I am ... umm, who am I ??

2009-09-16T09:57:00.001-07:00

The Sweet Intoxication

-by Anshul Gandhi

The fears fill me up,
As the light fades away,
Creeping down inside me,
All I see is shades of gray.

Clutching at the despairs,
That stuck with me all the way.
One look at you standing in the corridor,
And it all goes away.

Deliver me, from this temptation.
Fill me up, with your sweet intoxication.

The world’s a desert,
Just grains of sand,
Blanks and spaces,
That I just don’t understand.

It’s like a crazy dream,
And I can’t seem to awake.
Until I hear your voice,
That’s all it’s going to take.

Come on in, make the revelation.
Fill me up, with your sweet intoxication.

Lower and lower,
Till there is no more,
The place of dead silence,
Haven’t been here before.

All I can think of is you,
All I want to see is you,
Every breath in my body,
Knows it can only be you.

Lift me up, you’re my salvation.
Fill me up, with sweet intoxication.

last post explained

2008-02-03T21:01:00.000-08:00

Hmm, looks like the audience ain't as smart as I thought they would be :P
Please pardon my self-glorifying statements here.

The idea was when you dream about something, and when it really happens, there is (in many cases) a difference and this difference can be huge. Think about a movie with an awesome star cast. There will be times (in Bollywood, lots) when the movie doesn't meet your expectations.
For people who are into novels, doesn't it usually happen that a movie based on the best-seller you read doesn't seem to be even close. Think about it. The other person who didn't read the book might have enjoyed the movie a lot more than you did.
The reason: when you read a novel, you `imagine' the story in your head. You direct it. You put in the characters. It's your own little film playing in your head. Now how can someone beat your imagination ? Some movies like LOTR pull it off but I hope you get what I am trying to say.

Now the return journey through the woods was a bit confusing I accept.
It was about how we remember or (unconsciously) want to remember the things that happened for real. You can make a memory sweet even though it wasn't as sweet as you remember it. Or if there was an event in which two people were involved, say a vacation you and your best friend took, then he might not remember it in the same spirits as you do.
I hope that makes the last post a little more clear.

The hunt is sweeter than the kill. So is the return journey through the woods.

2008-02-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

You've been thinking about it right from the day you set foot in the university. You have dreamed about it. Oh yes you have. And what a fancy dream it has been. Cultivated for all those years right from when you set foot in the university up to this very day. You take deep breath and dream again about the same thing you have thought of so many times before. Yet it seems so different every time you conjure up your dream. You'll be sitting there with all your friends. Everyone's eyes bright with the dreams of a future in them. Everyone's spirits high. Parents waiting for the proud moments. There's an air of pride all around. You know it's coming. And you wait. You wait for your name to be called out.
Ah, there it is. Time for you to get on to the stage, amid rounds of applause and looks of awe. You bow to the committee or whatever_it_is_called. The sounds of claps echo through the hall. But you can hardly hear them. All you can hear is your own heartbeat. And boy it sounds so good. You feel like jumping off a cliff and flying away to lands unknown. You walk up to the Director and then you see it. Right in front of you. It's yours for the taking. Your eyes gleam as you see it right there in front of you. Gold. Well, your degree certificate but nonetheless.
And when you walk back to your seat with the_thing in your arms, you spot your parents in the crowd. And you see them. Tears in their eyes and the warmest of smile on their faces. They are together. Proud of what you have become. This was the hunt.

Oh sure you could cry right now but there's no time. You got to go to the ceremony. This is reality. The kill.
It's rather noisy and sweaty. God, of the seasons of the year they had to have the ceremony in this season of heat and sun !! The sun was literally smirking at you. God you wish there were some clouds in the sky today. Ah well.
It's going to be your turn soon. You are excited. Your friends don't seem to be looking at you but that's ok. Bang ! There it is ! Your name's called out. As expected, there are claps. Are they for you or for the person before you who's bowing to the crowds right now. Doesn't matter. And you walk proudly to the stage. And you can't hear the claps too well. Is that because your heart is pounding ? Well, not really. There aren't as many claps as you thought. Ah well, no matter. You bow in front of the committee as planned, you take your degree from the Director as planned. You turn around and exit the stage as planned. Wow, not more than a minute in all and people are already clapping for the next guy. Well, short maybe but that was your moment of glory. You hope the cameraman took your snap at the right moment. And you search for your parents among the crowd. Well, can't really seem to find them. You'll just meet them outside maybe. An hour later, waiting for the ceremony to get over and hoping you could have some cold water you wish the cameraman at least took a snap of you. It doesn't matter anymore when he took it. Just hope he took something that has you in it.
Hehehe, that was the kill. Not quite as you `thought' it would be eh.

This one's fun. The return journey through the woods.
Your grand children are all over you. They can't seem to contain their excitement. They are literally jumping all around you. Boy, what do kids eat nowadays.
"Tell us grandpa, please tell us. How was it. How did you feel. Tell us everything. The whole thing."
"Ok ok, mellow down. I'll tell you."
"It was so long ago, yet, somehow I remember it as though it just happened yesterday. It was a bright summer morning. The sun was smiling down at us and there was not a single cloud in the sky. Such was the morning that day. The hall was buzzing with the sounds of proud students waiting for their moment of glory. When my turn was coming close, I felt so proud of myself. For a moment I couldn't even listen to my friends talking to me. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling. And then, it happened. Amidst a roar of applause, my name was called. I couldn't even stand up straight for a moment. It was just as I had dreamed it would be. I walked up to the stage and I could feel everyone's look upon me. It was my moment. At that point in time, nothing else mattered. I remember the admiring looks the committee gave me as I bowed to them. A little distance away from them was the Director. With my degree in hand and a look of approval on his face, he smiled at me. And I smiled back. I remember it all too clearly. As though time had stood still for that instant. I shook hands with the Director. Thanked him as he congratulated me. I was all smiles. As I walked back, I spotted mom and dad among the crowd. I don't quite remember what happened then, but it must have been just as beautiful."
"Wow grandpa, I can see my graduation day already. I wish it's just as beautiful."
"Oh it will be just as you imagine it to be. Just the same."

"Err dad, I remember grandma telling me that you couldn't spot them when you were coming back. Did you ?"
"Son, it was such a long time back, I might be missing a few details here and there. But yes, this is how I remember it."

silly lovers

2008-01-31T23:27:00.000-08:00

It was a lavish green field just close to the heart of the city. And that made it a rather popular place for the young and the old. The wise and the foolish. The lovers and the loners.

"You know Jason, they say every love has some silliness in it. Do you believe that's true ?"
"Well, I guess so Karen. Does it matter ?"
"Well no, not really."

"Jason, what are you thinking ?"
"I am just looking at those stars."
"Where ?"
"Over there, follow the tip of my finger there. You see ?"
"What do they look like ?"
"To me, they seem like wings. Like those of an angel. Do you see them now ?"
"Yeah, I think I do. They look pretty."

"You know Karen"
"What ?"
"It takes two really silly people to see stars in the sky at this time of the day."
"I know Jason, I know"

A rather popular place for the young and the old. The wise and the foolish. The lovers and the loners.

Overworked !!

2008-01-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

Seriously, 3 projects going on in parallel, reports to write, experiments to run. Wow, lots to do. Fortunately, there's no lack of time.
Updates: just bought a 2nd hand TV yesterday and now we plan on getting an Xbox :D
I mean, what else would you use the TV for right ?

Need to see a movie today. Have to a pizza to go with it so that should be fun :)

Adios people.
Blogging should be on for a while.

It's all in the mind !!

2008-01-25T21:56:00.000-08:00

We see the world not through our eyes, but through our thoughts.
Something could seem like the ugliest creation on earth to someone and for someone else, it could mean the whole world.
We are our desires, said Sigmund Freud. What I perceive it is this: we see things as we want to see them, not as they are. That's why a movie might be a waste of time to someone whereas for someone else, it might have moved him to tears.

Hence I say, it's all in the mind. Sadly, that's the bare truth. We are greedy. Let's embrace that greed. It's this greed that makes us all so different. That gives us our individuality. That makes me 'I'. The world would be a horrid place if everyone was alike and thought alike.
We are all different, and we think different. That's what was meant to be. Everything is as you see it. That's all there is.

It's rightly said, we are the choices we make.
When we know we are good, we feel invincible. Whatever comes upon us, the fact that we have no guilt makes it all good. Had we done the slightest of sin, we would feel the burden of it in times of crisis. Everything adds up eventually. Everything comes back. All that we do, remains. And it haunts us.
To live is to make peace with what we have done and what has happened with us. It's give and take. To sin and to forgive are the two things in life that balance everything out.

We are what we are. We make ourselves what we are. It's all in the mind.
You'll hear more from me soon.
Adios :)

To somu, rohit, chaubeji, neerav and everyone else, thanks for being there.

What's money worth ?

2006-12-29T11:47:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been a while.
And no, I wasn't busy, I was just plain lazy (still am :D)
I still have some audience it seems that wants me to blog. So this one's for you yukay (not UK dear, its yukay. Dear friend yukay. He has been disappointed with me lately so I thought I could do something to cheer him up. I know, clever me :D)

I take this opportunity to shamelessly publicize my latest poem A distant dream @ home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul

So, what is money worth ?
Or, to put it simply, is it worth getting super-rich ?
We all have a certain basic level of monthly expendinture that we can thrive on. Let's double it. Now double it again. Still want more ?
Why ? Greed for one. But I can't help thinking that greed is a major killer.
I mean, think of all those other things you could do instead of wasting time on earning more. More than you need that is.
Fair enough, money is needed for survival, and let's face it, for happiness too.
Well, earn that much, but why more ?
Ok, put a little aside for your future kids (assuming you don't have any yet) but even then, is money such a big thing ?
Being a Piescian (hope I spelled it right. I am too lazy to check the spelling right now), I can't help thinking that money is a waste if you don't spend it. And no, I wouldn't spend it on something I don't need. A huge merc. Err, I was never a fan of cars, so no, that doesn't go on my list of "things I just HAVE to have".
Even then, apart from a few material must_haves, most of us are rather happy on the amount of money that we can earn (I am still jobless by the way, literally). So why dream of being a millionaire ?
Most would say that they would want to be millionaires so that they won't have to do anything.
But seriously, the path to that would go through a life of enough hardships to make you alien to the spirit of "not doing anything". You would rather relax rather than working your way to becoming a millionaire.
No, I am not saying one must not work hard. But I am saying, why only work hard for money ?
Why not spend half of that time on your relations, family, friends, pursuing your hobbies (making money doesn't count as one) and countless other things you want to do.

Yes, greed is a property of being human. A requisite.
But why is greed associated to money so much. It should be the greed to do what you want to do. The greed to be happy. The greed to be able to do things that make you happy.
Most professions that people take up are for the money they are being paid. Well, doesn't seem the right thing to do somehow. Take something that you can fit into and a place where you can enjoy your stay.
Let's face it, most people work for money. Most professions have just that in mind.
Medical doctors are an exception. And anyways, I have a soft corner for medical doctors, so let's just keep them out of this.
And also those crazy nerds who want to do something for the improvement of mankind. But even there, all most gifted minds do is invent things that can make the lazy human being more lazy.
Why not work to enjoy a bit in work as well. Maybe it cuts down the money you earn, but money ? Is it worth all that ? Is it worth sacrificing your happiness ?
I really think not.
Keep in mind that I am talking about earning more than your basic needs and the basic luxuries that keep your mind healthy and happy.
Earn that, and spend the rest of your efforts elsewhere I guess. Seems the right thing to do.
I guess I'll stop here.
Maybe you'll hear from me sometime in the near future. Next year perhaps.
Which reminds me that new year is fast approaching.
So, happy new year everyone.

Naa Jaane Kyon

2006-06-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

1st hindi poem, so go easy on me ;)
---------------------------------------------

Din ke ujaalon mein kisi ko dhoondna,
Raat ke andheron mein yun hi ghum jaana,
Naa jane kyon, lagta hai jaise teri chahat hi hai.

Har pal, har ghadi, tera hi intezaar karta hoon,
Har disha se teri hi aahat sunta hoon,
Naa jane kyon, lagta hai jaise teri mohabbat hi hai.

Shaamon ka mujh par aisa asar jataana,
In hawaon ka mujhe kuch is tarah satana,
Naa jane kyon, lagta hai jaise ye teri sharat hi hai.

Bas kuch palon ka saath tha,
Na tha phir koi vaasta,
Naa jane kyon, phir bhi ek kashish si hai.

Un palon mein waqt jaise tham sa gaya,
Us ek nazar mein dil mera tap sa gaya,
Naa jane kyon, aaj bhi wahi tapish si hai.

Aaj bhi aankhon mein kuch nami si hai,
Tere bina jaise koi kami si hai.
Naa jane kyon, tere bina, dil mein ek khalish si hai.

(happy ending)
Kise pata tha ki yun phir milenge,
Kisne socha tha ki sang rahenge,
Naa jane kyon, lagta hai ye meri amaanat si hai.

Rakhe hue yun tu mere kandhe par sar,
Beet jaye bas yunhin waqt saara,ab kise hai fikar,
Naa jane kyon, lagta hai ab na koi shikaayat si hai.

Har janam ek duje pe fidaa hon,
Saath jiya hai, ab saath vida hon,
Naa jane kyon, ab yahi ek aakhri ijaazat si hai.

(sad ending)
Kya pata tha mujhe ki milenge hum teri chitah par,
Aag thi wahan aur jal raha tha main yahan par,
Naa jane kyon, aaj tak isse bhasm kar paya nahi hoon.

Mar kar bhi aaj zinda hai tu mujhme,
Yaad karke tujhe har pal maut main marta hoon.
Naa jane kyon, aaj bhi khuda se tere liye dua hi maangta hoon.

Teri chitah pe aaj bhi apni maut ka intezaar karta hoon,
Teri yaadon ke beech main apna shradh karta hoon.
Naa jane kyon, raakh mein aaj bhi main tujhe hi dhoondta hoon.

How Was I To Know

2006-06-21T06:07:00.000-07:00

The Left is 'HE' and the right is 'SHE'.
You have three ways of reading it. Just the left or just the right or 1 para left and then the para on the right.
Enjoy.

The evening is dying down,
The sun is ready to set,
Staring into the twilight,
I reminisce the day we met.

Thinking of you from across the lands,
I know you are lost in my thoughts,
Lost in the days that we had spent,
your mind must be going through lots.

Not a word was spoken between us,
not a touch was shared,
Yet we knew what the other was thinking,
But neither of us dared.

That day when we first met,
just staring through stolen glances,
Even without words being said,
We were already thinking of the chances.

How was I to know,
that you had just moved in next door,
How was I to know,
That now I wouldn't need to dream anymore.

How was I to know,
that I would see you again that day,
How was I to know,
that with you is where my future lay.

Thinking of times like those,
tears flood my eyes,
Not knowing where to look for you,
I stare across the skies.

Those are the memories I walk with,
those are the moments I treasure,
Looking at you gazing towards me,
you have no idea about its measure.

Then came the day we fought,
and nothing ever changed back,
If only I had put in more thought,
I wouldn't have to feel this lack.

But the nightmares still haunt me,
that day that we broke apart,
If only I had been thoughtful,
I wouldn't have to leave with a heavy heart.

How was I to know,
that we wouldn't meet again,
How was I to know,
that nothing would numb this pain.

How was I to know,
that my mind wouldn't be on the drive,
How was I to know,
That that was my last day alive.

I still wait for you to return,
maybe you lost your way,
maybe you are just taking your time,
I know you will be back anyday.

I wish I could return,
I see it in my dreams,
I see you taking me in your arms,
so true it all seems.

Forgive me for all my sins,
Oh please forgive me my dear,
Tell me you are on your way,
tell me you are near.

Forgive me for all that happened,
Oh please forgive me my dear,
How much ever I scream,
I know you cannot hear.

How was I to know,
that I would end up waiting for you forever.
How was I to know,
that you would return to me never.

How was I to know,
that I would never be able to say my goodbye.
How was I to know,
That I would have to wait until you die.

From Zurich

2006-05-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
I dunno how long it has been since I blogged and I dunno how long it will b bfore I blog again, so lets not bother bout that :)

Zurich is, well, pretty clean, advanced and ideal for work.
India is mayb, not comparable to Zurich yet in any of the above stuff but then, I have realized and accepted than India is home. The place I wud settle down finally. Ppl here in Zurich are always busy, always formal. Not "mast" like we Indians. And thats something I can't live without.

The place has brilliant scenic beauty. No comparison there.

U c, I had this conception that "abroad" would b a gr8 place to live.
Atleast Switz isn't. Holiday, yes. Life, NO.

Now I guess the US is slightly better off, but yes, I wouldn't b surprised if it turns out to be un_settle_able either.

The things here are pretty modern and stuff. Sensors everywhere. And rules that are followed and never broken. That makes it systematic and NO, it isn't boring to follow rules. This is one thing we cud pick up.
But then again, there are ups and downs in all things.
Overall, nice place for a holiday, and even better for a honeymoon ;)

Adios.

The Usual

2006-03-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am @ hyd right now, enjoying my holi holidays :)
Bunking three days of college too to extend my vacation ;)
Travelling by train takes around 28 hrs (if trains run on time that is). I haven't yet graduated to flights but plan to do so soon. But maybe not soon enough as I have just one year left at B.Tech.
Maybe that last statement sounded a bit sad. Lemme rephrase it.
:o :o :o I have just ONE year of B.Tech. left !!!!!!!!! (yoooooo hoooooo).
hehe, thats better.
Like counting down the final days.
We hostel guys hoped till 2nd year that these 4 years shud never pass. Now, we just wait for em to die out :))

Neways, enuff of criticism.
I sometimes blog when I have finished reading a book and am dying to say a few words abt it.
But lemme also tell u bout a few movies that I have seen (the entire list is too long and hence I won't bore u with it. If u wanna get bored tho, chk out the list at http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/movies1.htm).

Been at hyd for 3 days now and haven't stayed full day at home even once :D
Don't plan to for the rest of the days either (hope mom ain't reading this :D)

Finished reading "The Godfather" by Mario Puzo and thoroughly enjoyed it.
But two things contained my enjoyment tho.
One, I had seen the trilogy and tho I didn't remember every detail, I did remember the first movie very well and that is the part that is covered in the book. What this does is it takes out a bit of the excitement from the book. It could have been more severe but luckily this book doesn't count on the twists alone to help it out.
Second, I had read a book on a similar topic, "My Life in the Mafia" by Vincent Teresa (http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/My%20Life%20In%20The%20Mafia.htm) and I must tell you, this was an awesome book.
Due to the above reasons, I found the godfather not as GOOD a book as readers claimed.
It was good, no doubt. Awesoem actually. But not as phenomenal as I thought :
I will go on to say that I enjoyed My Life in the Mafia better, but then again it might be that the above two reasons have tilted my judgement.
There are two things about a book that are generally watched for. The CONTENT and the WRITING. The content is basically the storyline and the twists and the characters. The writing is the way it has been presented and depends totally on the writer.
Many a times a book becomes brilliant majorly due to its content (like "It's not about the bike" http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/It's%20Not%20About%20The%20Bike.htm) and at times due to the writing style (like "love" http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/Love.htm).
It's so rare when both of these come together (like LOTR http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/LOTR.htm and maybe "A Walk To Remember" http://home.iitk.ac.in/~ganshul/A%20Walk%20To%20Remember.htm).
Sadly, The Godfather does't exactly come into the second category. But it's close. Almost home.
I will post a full review later on my website.

The good movies I have seen lately:
We Were Soldiers: Brilliant war-time movie starring Mel Gibson who totally dominates. The movie is sentimental and is abt war time tradgedies and how the men at the warfront relate to each other in times as desperate as war.

Hide and Seek: A good horror movie after a long time. De Niro is back and the girl, Dakota Fanning is just brilliant at her work. Nice spooky story with a good twist.

Anatomy of a Murder, To Kill a Mockingbird: Two awesome black and white classical court room dramas. Didn't think I wud enjoy them that much :)

The Name of the Rose: Greatest thing about this movie was the sets, the costumes and the locations. They had to show a catholic setting where church was everything. Brilliantly done. Horror/Mystery btw.

Elizabethtown: Superb music. Light romance.

I can hear the sea: the BEST of em all by far. Wrote this movie to CD immediately.
Romantic animation, typical of Ghilbi Studios. So much feel in it that u just get lost. This movie totally stayed.

Special Mention for "In Her Shoes": Finally saw this cameron diaz starrer and tho it was a nice movie, CD smiled so beautifully that I wrote this on CD too instantly :D
God, did she look awesome........

Must mention. Met this real sweet girl on the train and gosh, was she sweet.
I was rather shocked that I managed to talk to her and, did I tell u, she was real sweet :D
But somehow, I couldn't take her immediate contact (email or cell no). Mayb it wasn't right to do so at such a short meeting either but still, now that I feel a bit bad (thats my heart) I feel it was the right thing to do. Whatever, glad for that experience.

Adios.

What a week !!!!!!

2006-02-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, this was one awesome week !!
Seriously, it was like one thing after the other and so much fun, basically sports, around.
I played 7 hrs straight 2 days ago, spanning over Basketball, Volleyball and Cricket.
This entire week has been cricket and volleyball, and well, I don't see it ending too soon either ;)
Had one huge assignment this night. Somehow, it turned out pretty well, given the hours I had put in ;)
It's always important to spend minimum hours and get the most out of it.
Wish all assignments could go on like this.

Oh and yeah, I have been watching movies, again, almost one a day :D

The other day we went to Rave for watching Rang De Basanti, but couldn't get the ticks, so we ate out at Barista and headed over to the city to another theatre. After getting the ticks, we then went to Pizza Hut and well, I must confess, given the rates, PH dominates over Domino's. Tastewise though, Domino's takes the edge.
So, that day was like 8 hrs of FUN !!

Going out to Pizza Hut again today ;)

The movies,
slipstream
constant gardener
magnolia
droh kaal
15 park avenue
stir of echoes
two for the money
city of god
spy game
munich
matchstick men
havoc
my cousin vinny

well well, if only all weeks could be like this.
Anyways, the week still ain't over :D

Adios ppl.

The Land Of Dreams

2006-01-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I posted, and seems like a few ppl do read my blog. So, I tot I better not stay away for too long :)

I have been watching a movie a day for almost 10-15 days now !!
Good Will Hunting, Any Given Sunday (Cameron DIaz !!), Get Carter, Heat, Bourne Supremacy, House Of Sand And Fog, Serpico, Flightplan, Solaris, Old Boy. That's all I remember for now :D

Havin a fun time so far this sem. Ditching classes, sleeping late, its gr8 !!

Anyways, back to the post.

Ever had a dream that u wished so badly for and which kept going on in ur head for so many times that u almost felt like touching it.
Well, I guess we all have at some point or the other in our lives. But, mostly, and sadlly, they stay as dreams, away from reality. Its like it just exists somewhere, in some other world, but not in this one.
Maybe, its a day from your school life that u wud just love to replay. Just once, just for a few hours. Wouldn't it be great if it cud happen ? Get a chance to visit the land of dreams, just once.
Ahh, what could u give up for a chance like that ??
And suddenly, u realize that the little things u worry so much about are nothing compared to the intensity of that dream; the shining light is so bright that u can't see the road ahead; a mirage ? an illusion ?

Cud such a place ever exist ?
Some religions claim that afterlife comes close to such a place. Seems good. Atleast, sounds good. Reassuring, that there is something beyond. Something.

U won't believe it but there are actually a group of ppl who argue death is better than life itself !! Crazy thought, but then, there is so much that's written about it.
They believe that life is just a phase where you are shown the dream room ahead, but u never get a chance to open that door, however hard u try.
Death, they believe, is ur journey thru that very door. Into the land of dreams. Within the land of dreams. No, I am NOT tryin to influence u all to try that door, heck no.
But I would love to believe that such a world exists somewhere, in some parallel universe. I wouldn't really mind if we never get to know where it is, but, just to know that it exists. Sounds very .. I dunno.

I guess a person can actually create his own illusion and believe so strongly in it, that it bcomes almost true for him. Faith, intense and deep faith.
I guess thats what happens to a few of those who are put into assylums.

But if u ver given a chance to go thru that door, in excahnge for this life tha u have, wat wud u do ?
Crazy question, but, what wud u do ?
Hmm, think abt that.
Adios.

..together, yet forever apart..

2005-12-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

Before u go on ahead and make any wild guesses from the title of the post, lemme explain.
These were words from the latest novel that I read, "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks.
The author was talking about how night and day, which are separated by a very thin line, and which are always together, but still, are always apart. Meaning, where there is day, there will be night too. Sounds obvious enough. Yet, they can never co-exist. Again, true.
Put the two things together and u get the title of this post. No particular reason, I just couldn't find a nice line for a title :D

Just finished reading my second novel in a row, both by the same author.
The first, A Bend In The Road sounded more drama-packed, and though it was, the twist was kinda revealing and it was how the climax turned out that became more important.
A simple story, with few twists, but very well handled.

The second, The Notebook promised to be a lot more involved and emotional, and it sure was.
It was a short book, 214 pages to be exact, but it was real neat and touching.
A tragic love story, which was very well written. The story, though, again, was nothing out of the ordinary. Easy to make, but tough to garnish. The author knows how to do the latter though :)
A very touching book, and coupled with the overcast atmosphere, it was just right :)

Have been hearing a lot of those sufi-styled songs recently. The remixed ones especially.
The songs I am listening to nowadays include the following :-
Aadat remix from Kalyug
Aapki Kashish remix from Aashiq Banaya Aapne
Right Here Right Now from Bluffmaster

A new wave of music seems to be encroaching the hindi cinema, and somehow, its been great so far. Very pacy songs, yet, they stay. Mostly, fast, pacy songs don't stay and they somehow fail to create that impact.
These new songs though, seem to be able to stay. Good.

Got my scores today and slightly better than I had imagined, though not as good as my previous sems, but its trivially satisfactory. More than that, actually.

Got a week more at hyd bfore i head back to iit.
Had real nice fun so far, outing almost everyday, and freaking my mom out in the process :-P
Hopefully, the rest of the days will be fun too.

But somehow, it was a very feel-good day today.
The atmosphere and the wind, just perfect. Should how roamed today :

Anyways, always feels good when the temperature and the winds are just right. Happens a lot here at hyd. Wish Kanpur could be the same. Sigh.

I am getting real negative on having to go back to kanpur, so i better stop writing. I have to go back u c :

Adios.

Now We Are Free

2005-12-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

This was a quote from "Gladiator" which I saw for a 2nd time simply for Russell Crowe and the theme song at the end and the awesome sequences in between.
But yes, I am free now, free from a lot of things, some good , some bad.
Back at home after 6 months is something different, but surely enjoyable :)
Lotsa friends here, and all jobless just like me, so that makes it even better.

Lost the streak of 10s this semester but I was ready for lke 9.2 or 9.6 , damn, not 8.8 !!
Neways, I had enuff things on my side for so long I guess, won't let this bother me.
Another sem down, good !!
Seriously, now I just can't wait to get outta IIT and get back to some real life.

Was hoping to write down a poem or story but I dunno if I can give it enough time.
Got basically no work to do this hols except maybe a couple of odd things.
Hoping to get a digicam this hols if i can butter up my folks ;)

U know what, I made a list of the english movies I have seen and it crossed like the 250 mark with ease, but the thing is, most of these are movies I have seen in the last 1.5 years only !!
365 * 1.5 = 550 odd days, and 250 movies. Good eh (and u must b guessing how i ended up with 4 10's.hehe, i guess that too now :-P).

So, now that I am officially off the "tenner" title, I can ease off the pressure, but I just gotta work for one more sem bfore apping to univs, so I still have to work for one last sem bfore officially relaxing off.

neways, we will bother about that later on.

Ok, coming to the point. Couldn't blog a lot this sem, but hope to do so next sem, tho its gonna be atleast as hot. Hopefully, I won't ;)

Just finished the novel "Love" by Toni Morrison and tho its not what u might expect rom the title, its a masterpiece. The authot is a noble-prize winner in Literature and u can guess that by the complexity and the way the book travels. Enthralling !!
I will have the review out soon on the website but I will still talk a bit about the book here.
I read around 20 pages, got nothing into my head. Re-read the 20 pages and went ahead till 60.
Stupid acads came up, had to stop. So, when I finally started after the sem, I had to read everything again. And I finally understood it this time (I hope so atleast ;)).
The book is about the relationships of a man who has been dead for 25 odd years as the book starts and how those relations interact among themselves. Its a very dynamic book which changes ur views rapidly by showing more of the things as time goes on. Its like, u know a bit abt the ppl and u have some picture of them. Then, within just one incident, ur views change, and they do so very steadily, and u can feel that transit of the picture that u had.
Its pure magic done by the author. the book in itself is so comples that if it ver put up in some english course, damn I would de-register while I could ;)
Story is alright, its the way things are manipulated and shown to u by the author that makes it so wonderful.
Its a very good example of how an author can yield her/his sword of mastery and tear through your shield of boredom.(that really was a nice statement I guess :)).

Feeling sleepy now.
c ya ppl later.
Adios.

A glimpse of heaven, and then again..the shadows of darkness

2005-10-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am still not over the enthralling culfest mood that was hanging all around the campus for the last 3 days and it gives me (and the others here too I am sure) great pain to watch the tents and all being taken out and the campus going back to its meagre greenery and heavy air of acads. But well, that's where I am gonna be for another 1 and a half year or so.

The culfest would have been much better had we not had any assignments due (that too on the last day of the culfest : ).
Now, I had this real neat SLR camera with a 4:1 zoom lens and boy !! did I have fun sniping the targets and injuring them with my 4-pencil_batteries_strong flash :))

Somehow, its nice fun to just sit back with your friends and enjoy the exciting atmosphere that builds up in the campus during these fest days and the best part is, its at its peak at around 12 midnight.
Damn, night-life in hostels is something that non-hostlers know nothing about and its one thing that one must experience for sure. And the night life gets so much better during the culfest days. It feels so "empty" now that its all over :(

Its the last day that really brings you down becoz of two reasons:
(1) The continual exhaustion and lack of proper sleep coz of over-involvement in the excitement of the fest.
(2) The pain of "the end" of the fest and the gloomy thoughts of the days to come.

But somehow, it feels like "back again" when its all over. You get that feeling of "I'm home !!" when its all over and after you have had a good long sleep (I pity the ppl who have their exams this week :).

The fashion show was something good and I managed to miss it last year so I was really hoping to catch on with it this time and boy, the sights that you manage to see sitting right up there in the third row is just something else !! ;)

Its just the crowd all around and the lack of academic air that changes the entire mood and refreshes u up real nicely.
God, they should have more of these fests. Real nice things they are.

And now, well, an assignment that I just submitted yesterday night, an assignment that was announced today, an assignment due this wednesday, another due the day after that, and two new assignments waiting to spring up during the week. Well, I am back :)

The ANSWER to almost all queries !!

2005-10-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes u just have to believe that things can't be coincidental. There has got to be something beyond just probability and all that maths.
I was in quite many thoughts in the past weeks about how I shud approach the rest of my acad life. I was starting to lose interest in "scoring" grades. The fun of learning something nice and new and the enthu of problem-solving will not leave me that easily so I know for sure I will never be careless, but the problem of whether I should push beyond what I feel is the limit ?

Lemme rephrase that.
There is almost no fool-proof way of saying what one's limits are. In my context I was talking about limits in the sense of working hard. That is, working beyond your present level.
The brain always pushes you to newer and newer limits and as u keep approaching these limits u feel good coz u feel that u have so much more left in you, u feel "superior". But its not all that simple. Ur heart cries out for u to stop, relax, and never do that again.
The classic problem of life: Brain vs Heart.
Who should win.
Simple answer: YOU !!
u c, when u push yourself beyond a certain level, u'll go "snap". That's right. You'll just snap.
It happens in both extremes u know.
I always knew that if u don't work at all, u r gonna be doomed, so i never even tried that lower limit.
It was the upper limit that I was always uncertain of. I never saw any problems in working beyond what u can, until now.
There's this little thing called "health". And believe me, when u r not at peace with urself, ur hurting urself in ways that u are not even aware of !!
U are building up that resentment and that feeling of "I want to break free" in u for too long.
So, whats gonna happen. BOOM !!

U c, when u start hurting urself too much, nature comes in and tries to warn u by trying to make u feel uncomfortable. That's wen u shud realize and stop, relax and think abt it.
Infact, its always good to stop if u r heart is not into it.
No use trying to fight wid urself u know. Just doesn't help.

I know I am not doing a very good job today at blogging but I hope my message is slightly clear atleast.
"DON'T WORK SO HARD THAT YOU FORGET WHAT RELAXATION IS, COZ IF THAT'S SO, U HAVE ALREADY LOST, AND U DON'T EVEN KNOW IT !!"

Soul Searching

2005-10-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

I know its been a long time. But I think I will start blogging weekly soon. Back in enthu u c :)

So, what's up with me ? 3rd year is up. That's all there has been for quite a while.
Actually, I would be lying if I said that. I believe its only an excuse to say u have been busy.
It is human nature to exaggerate things, but yes, this year has been relatively pretty heavy.
But I still find time to see movies and all. That can't stop, can it ?
I mean, there are a few things that are "you" . So, unless you are totally in love with acads and it just fascinates you to the core (look out if you have these symptoms !!), you will always take time out for yourself. Actually all that time spent in cribbing about the sem can be put to a better use by watching a movir or something (based on ur interest).

The thing is, you really shouldn't cry abt the way things have turned up in the sem or so.
I mean, its you after all. I don't think a sem can change you. Yes, you'll b a lot busier, but that's about it. You still have time, if you can use it that is.
I can hear you guys not agreeing with me, but seriously, its just human nature to crib abt things.
Just take some time off and relax. Its not all that bad.

Well, I have seen some 25-30 movies this sem I guess (yeah, its not a lot, believe me).
I will see if I can list em, oh and yeah, I will put up movie reviews soon on my webpage, so look out for that.
In no particular order:-
Groundhog Day (gooood comedy), Vanilla Sky (Cameron rocks !!, but so does Penelope Cruz. Forgive me Cameron :-P ), 12 angry men (ek ruka hua faisla, I didn't see it, so this one was pretty nice), Alfred Hitchcock's Rope and Strangers On a Train and Rear Window (this guy rocks in the Thriller/Film-Noir section), Spirited Away (boring, so had to ffwd it), Whispers Of the Heart (a beautiful romantic animation movie, just hits u there), Cold Mountain (Nicole Kidman's blue blue eyes and damn cold Jude Law, good movie), Cindrella Man (awesome awesome movie, among the best listed here), Donnie Brasco (Al Pacino and mafia, need I say more), A Perfect World (costner's best), Salaam Namaste (in theatre), My Wife's Murder (in theatre), No Entry (in theatre), Yahaan (ok-ok), Maqbool (awesome performances by Irfan Khan, Pankaj Kapoor, Om Puri and Naseruddin Shah and of course, Tabu), Seher (Arshad Warsi and Pankaj Kapoor dazzle in this cops and robbers flick), American Pie 2 (u know abt it), Titanic (yes, I never saw it completely before. God, this movie had me in tears in the final sequence), Taeguki a.k.a. Brotherhood Of War (one of the best war movies, damn i cried in this one too), Miller's crossing (great mafia movie and No, I didn't cry in this one :) ), and lots more that I have already written in my previous post.
God, I do see lots of movies :D

Just finished watching 70 episodes of the anime Rurouni Kenshin (Japanese sword-fighting Samurai style) and it really is awesome.

Revamped my homepage (looks pretty sober now) and didn't do much on the writing side except completing a pretty neat poem which is kept at my webpage.

Now, coming to the subject :D, soul-searching.
This sem really calls for priorities and soul-searching and that too at a crunch time.
One really needs to decide how to take on so much pressure and even if he should !!
Well, the simplest (and worst) advice is to just sit quiet and face it all !!
Nah, I won't vouch for it. Just maintain a balance, that's all.
Giving it your best will dry you out completely and u'll need to waste time recharging yourself.
Too little and the consequences are obvious.
Well, I don't know if I should be writing this down, but, here goes.
When you start feeling that things are getting too heavy and its getting at you, I think you really should just sit back and take it slow. I mean, everyone has limits and one really shouldn't go all out just for something that is supposed to mean a lot. I mean, where we end up years from now is not a very sure thing and besides, I am not saying one must give up, just be in ur limits, both upper and lower being equally important.
We all know wat happens when we cross the lower limit but upper-limit, hmm. That calls for attention.
I will put my views here but I would love to hear urs too. Its important for me too, so do pour in the comments.
I guess, if u r reasonably well placed so far, and you can maintain a reasonably good profile even though you are not willing to go all out is I think quite ok.
Going all out is something that should be saved for the end-sems. Coz there's no tomorrow after that. But going all out initially does atleast two damages.
One, it eats up your resources and drains you mentally.
Two, you lack the killer move towards the end sems. You see, the endsems are particularly tricky to handle. You have to go all out. BUT. There are a few conditions required :-
1) u need to be mentally at ease before going for THE KILL (this is where you go to ur limit coz hey, this is the last chance u have).
2) u need to be tensed :)) (seriously, until u lack the motive, there's no use). You do need a drive to deliver the final blow (sorry, the anime is building up on me :) ).
3)U need to have had a very nice weekend before you can start. U know, like ur farewell to the "good" world for a while, atleast till the endsems get over or till u dry out.
4)U need to be at peace with ur heart too. Confusing ?? Lets c.
If u are doing pretty well but u still wanna do more, well, if u r not crazy, then u can't do it. Y ?
Coz somewhere in ur heart, u r content that u did fairly well and hence there is no sufficient adrenaline pumping u. And yes, without the anxiety and adrenaline, u just can't deliver the kill.
5) u need to pretend that its the end of the world for u if u don't get it right.
Again, this is close to 4) but u just have to be xtra "conditioned".

Unless these things don't happen, I think u can't deliver an effective last minute kill.

Now, besides the end-sem, I c no reason y u shud use ur kill, coz it really can drain u.
I have had times when after the end-sems, I would be "not myself" for atleast a day or two. It feels like a daze. I know a few of you will agree with me on this.
And the feeling is really too powerful. It gets at you. U need to cool down after the endsems.

The reason y I need opinions other than mine are coz I feel that if u do want to put in a lot into acads, that means u need to be in love with acads coz otherwise, u r trying to achieve something that u r heart isn't totally in, and hence it will just b a falsification and it just won't work.
Now, if u really are in love with acads, then u better prepare urself for a future in acads, a prof or something close. I know u ppl might not agree but I am of the opinion that (after musing for one whole year) becoming a prof is not something that everyone can or should do.
Simply coz its very demanding and only if u have a passion for acads, u can live such a career, else u will get horribly misplaced.
I used to think an year back that being a prof was quite a noble profession and yes, it really is.
But not everyone can b a prof. If u doubt yourself in this aspect, you mustn't even try, coz it really is quite demanding and time-consuming.

So, unless there is no fatal risk in acads (fatal => 'F'), I think one must stay at ease atleast to his satisfaction. Its not the end of the world, is it ?

The second topic that needs soul-searching is of course, future plans. Do I hear u say "what's that ?". Well, this really is a never-ending story but one really shud start looking out for his/her future atleast before the end of engineering.

There is always the easy way out saying "whatever has to happen will happen, whether I plan or not". Now, I do agree with this fact and I won't try to fight it but you know, there are a few unobvious advantages in planning ahead.
(1) You tend to become a bit thoughtful and you start looking out for urself and that is the least justice you can do to urself. Becoming thoughtful or atleast pretending to be that ;) really does make a person look good :))
(2) It is a real good timepass, believe me. I just retire to the coffee shop, have my fav pick of beverage and walk lazily thru the campus thinking abt the future.
(3) Sometimes it is really good to fascinate abt your future and think abt the scenarios. Believe me, it can be very entertaining.
(4) This is the most important and the least obvious one.
But before I go into this, I am gonna divert to a little bit of philosophy. So plz bear with me ;)
We all claim to be scientific beings, proudly declining most of the super-stitions and all, but deep inside, we are just stupid humans and we need things like destiny or whatever u call it to answer our "unanswerable" (atleast for now) questions related to life and the such.
U know, just imagining God is a pretty cool idea. It gives u a nice punching bag (sorry God :) ) and it is like a sink of all complaints. Hey, clearly, we are quite demanding when it comes to such things. It easier to blame a super-natural force or the alignment of stars or the location of the kitchen or bathroom or whatever rather than blaming oneself, coz afterall, we are stupid naive humans, aren't we ?
But, there is a clear advantage to this mumbo-jumbo lies too.
It fixates ur wandering thoughts. That is, you can kinda leave a few "unlucky" things to destiny and just pass em by rather than crying on it. I personally find this very appealing. Whenever u end up losing, just blame it on luck and move on, easy eh.
Now thats y I feel its good to have a future in mind, though it might not actually turn out to be true later on. The thing is, once u fixate ur mind and u have an "aim" in ur mind, its easier to use ur resources and maximize ur efficency. U c, a human being is at his best, when he is in a tight spot or when he has to meet a deadline (assignments for example ;) ),so by aiming at a certain plan of the future, u really can draw out your swords and start swinging em rather than just wasting time trying to draw out ur best.
What I am trying to say is "aim for something nice, then go towards it". So, there will b something to look for and u will walk or rather jog towards ur aim on the path u made up. And I find that really useful. It does help a lot.

Let me put it in other words.
U can actually build up a lie just to help yourself and to focus ur wandering and restless mind.
Say u have to reach a higher ground and there are no visible steps in between.
You just "imagine" the steps to be there and keep climbing (matrix theory types). Though it will hurt when u realize that it was all a false dream, but by then, u will b at a higher ground than before, so u can just blame luck and continue creating further lies till u reach the place u need.
I know it sounds very conspiracy-style but it really does work.
U know, sometimes living in a lie can be useful, if only u have the courage to accept its a lie.
Sometimes, that is the only way to live in a harsh world.
Quoting from the Thin Red Line :
"Only one thing a man can do. Find something that's his. Make an island for himself".
The last sentence is the punch. Make an island for himself.
Try it once, it really is a good strategy, though I can't promise that u'll b able to handle it when it finally breaks. But then, we are all crazy to some extent, so y not rather use the craziness.

Well well, think abt these things and do let me know.
I think I will go to the coffee shop now, though I guess its closed. No matter, Make a coffee-shop for himself eh.
Adios.

It Starts ....

2005-08-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

Its been loooooong, and I don't know when I will be able to write next just bcoz I don't know when I will be able to squeeze some free time and even if I do that, will I use it to blog.

Seniors used to say that 2nd year is tougher than the 1st and 3rd is tougher than the 2nd. Well, and every year we were like "It can't get worse than this". But then, it does :
Third year is finally here,and boy !!,did it start with a bang, rather it started with BANGS !!
This week we had 4 assignments (all one week long assignments). Now, each is supposed to take like 5 - 7 hours, but again notice the word "supposed". The coding takes only 2 hrs. But the damn debugging takes 2 days !!, that too after a combined effort from the entire departmental batch.
I finally found some free time today coz 2 of the 4 assignments had a deadline of today and are hence completed. One's due tomorrow and one day after.

Once u get such assignments, its not about hard work anymore. Its more like "the wheels are in motion". Once u start working on em, u won't know the time. It is very time consuming and at every step u r like "hust 5 more mins and it will be done". 5 hrs later, u r still slogging !!
That's 3rd year.
It becomes more like a machine. U start and it goes on till the deadline approaches and shuts u off, well, just to start u again, but that's a different story.

But yes, I still manage to average 5-7 movies per week and atleast one trip to Domino's :D (its due for tomorrow for this week :) ).
I m not gonna bore u again by reviewing the movies (and I sure don't want ansari to feel jealous :D ), but I'll just list em.
Ring 1, Ring 2, Three Kings, Enduring Love, Summer Of Love, The Insider (best of em all), My Wife's Murder (In theatre, but ya, I wish I had seen it on the comp :( ), unleashed, white noise, 40 days and 40 nights. Phew, now that's a nice long list :).
But seriously, all these happened majorly in just 2-3 days of last week when I was relatively free.
Another thing that 3rd year does is to get u close to ur "like-fated" departmental ppl. All suffering from the same epidemic :)
U suddenly start adding ppl to ur yahoo list so that they can help u out in time of despair, which is like, every 10 minutes I suppose :).
Enough of that now.
Adios.

The Halfness Of The Glass

2005-08-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

Crazy post title but then, as of now, I am neither too positive nor too negative.
Lotsa things happened and undid themselves and happened again actually. It's been a while.

My project which had come soooo close to success (I know I wrote that it had succeeded in my last post but..) and then went almost down to nothing, but rose back again to a steady level. All in all, it went quite well and the prof was more than satisfied. So I guess, that settles it.

So, for those of u thinking abt y i didn't talk of movies yet, well, here goes :)

1. Kung-Fu Hustle: Saw this flick in the theatre. It's a goooood comedy but then it's very close to being animated. Lotsa stuff that will have u in splits immediately and lotsa stuff that comes close to kiddy_stuff, but then, I enjoyed it like hell, partly coz my friends who ver watching the movie with me ver very much into crazy comedies and ver havin a hell of a time. U know, sometimes, these things influence u a lot. What ppl u watch a particular movie with CAN actually affect ur view of the movie. Anyways, not in mood for psychological discussions today :

2. Dark Water: Saw the trailer while I was watching Kung-Fu Hustle and I must say, they did a great job making the trailer. The first half of the movie makes u feel that the trailers were infact, pretty close to how the movie felt till then, good, but slightly slow. The second half started to drag and lose out. At the end, the movie finished very well, but was kinda negative in nature. But then, at the end u wud realized that it was kinda OK, tho there were times when u ver totally glued to the screen, while at other times u felt like thrashing the ppl who ver involved in making the trailers (no offence meant).

Saw lotsa other movies too, but they ver mostly repeats of flicks I had already seen. Tum Bin, Kal Ho Na Ho, Fellowship Of The Rings, The Two Towers.
Will watch Return Of The King soon and finish off the trilogy. Then will watch City Of Angels soon too.

Oh and yeah, the new sem started, just today infact. Seems OK so far but I plan to make it hectic this time. Let's c if I can stand my own inflictions :)
I always start out the sem with great good resolutions and end up failing at each of them !!
Not even one even gets started man !! I have tried again this sem but by ensuring the resolutions before hand and made sure that I atleast legally signed the resolutions (I won't try to explain that).

Other things r going pretty well.

Now for book reviews. Three of them. Will keep it short here, tho will write in detail for my homepage http://home.iitk.ac.in/student/ganshul (the site is down as of now).

1. The Prodigal Daughter: Jeffrey Archer's sequel to Kane And Abel was not quite close to what Kane And Abel had achieved. KAA was very good. TPD comes close, but then somehow manages to lose its flair. I really cudn't understand y the story took the turns it did. It was good to know abt so many things, hence the book was knowledgeable and coz it was the first to enlighten me upon how elections and all go on at the internal level, it was pretty good. But no great and intriguing plots and gripping twists as in KAA.
I was happy to find that the main charcacter in the story faces many problems and tho with her best preparations fails at many times !! It wasn't like movies u know. So, in that sense it felt different and real-like. Some things were sooooo non-cliche that I was surprised at their happening and I was sure it wud be a dream and that the author would quickly replace the things. But, it was refreshingly good to see things go bad in novels :)
Overall, still a good book, but just as a legacy that sequels never manage to throw out, this one lacks the charm that KAA had.

2. A Painted House: My first experience with Grisham. I read the back cover and ppl warned me that it wasn't exactly the law-stuff that Grisham generally writes about and then they fooled me by saying that nevertheless, it was an outstanding book. Yeah, OUT standing. I think even Grisham would feel bad for me if he realized that I started reading his books by selecting this one first.
Positives: GOOD characters. they really leave an impression on ur maid. u can almost feel their presence around u. The characters ver indeed very well made.
Very realistic plot. Simple and localized.
Third, the story is told thru a seven year old kid's point and I must say at most points, u can almost feel the kid's innocent mind and his childishness and even his mischievious mind.

Negatives. Second half of the book is so damn slow and goes to sub-plots that ver not at all required.
I also felt that a seven year old kid wudn't exactly have responded the way this kid did, especially at hiding emotions. I don't feel seven year old kids cann hide their emotions so very professionally that even their moms' can't figure them out.

It lacked content and almost all things that a good_read require.
I will conclude with this - Never repeat the mistake I made and start ur Grisham Campaign with this book.

3. Shall We Tell The President: The last in Archer's trilogy of Kane And Abel, this one doesn't make the mistakes that TPD did . This was a really good read and the book is infact just some 250 pages and so the story proceeds at a very good pace.
Again, the flair of Archer's style of writing was more than evident in SWTTP. Very intriguing plots, tho slightly fictional u might feel. It is a very very good suspense thriller and the incidents are fairly good. The main characters are just too perfectly made but the side ones lack concreteness.
There was that something special abt KAA, like was special with The Godfather 1 and with The Matrix part 1. U know, the 1st parts are somehow special and get more credit. Sadly, it's true for this trilogy too. I don't know why, but KAA is slightly and only slightly better than this one, tho I accept I can't reason it out too well.

Will read "White Mischief", "Timeline". "Angels and Demons" and "Anne Frank's Diary" soon.
Keep checking.
B bye.

....All Things Shining.

2005-07-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

....Oh my soul. Let me be in you now. Look out through my eyes. Look out at the things you made. All things shining - these were the last lines from "The Thin Red Line". I still haven't been able to get over this movie. The lines of the movie still hover around in my head.

Well, things have been shining pretty well suddenly.
My project finally seems to be over :) Just gotta write down the proof now. That shouldn't be too bad coz u atleast know that u can finish it off, I mean u don't have to use more brains. Just the skill of writing.

It has been raining pretty heavily and surprisingly quite many trees are taking the fall. Plus the lamp-posts seem to be just pushing the mud down and giving way. Strange things. If u look at these lamp-posts and trees u'll get a kinda armageddon feeling.

5 movie reviews for u then.

1. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Starring Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey (no, this isn't a comedy), Kirsten Dunst (smallish role).
This movie is a kinda mix of Butterfly Effect and any romatic movie. The story is good due to the involvement of a psychological element. But this also drags the movie down coz u don't expect science in a love-story.
But, don't watch it for the plot. Watch it for two things. Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey.
Kate Winslet's opening sequence is just marvellous. I had this titanic image in my mind but I suddenly see this full_of_life girl jumping around the screen and she acted so very well. The second-half didn't have much scope for actying for anyone at all.
Now, I always believed that Jim Carrey can't pull off anything but comedy. I stand corrected.
This man just rocked in the movie. He plays a timid, serious person dealing with his rather miserable love life. He plays it so very perfectly. The scene in which he suddenly cries out in is car was just brilliant. It portrayed his helplessness so very well.
If u are a fan of either of the two, this is a must watch for u. Otherwise, if u haven't got much to do, u cud give this film a chance.

2.The Station Agent
This is an 80 minute movie which captures the life of a dwarf. It's not all pitiful and sad types. The movie majorly deals with nice people. Those who actually treat him as the person he is, and not his physical self. I won't say it is a moving kinda film but it sure does touch your heart on many occasions. Some scenes were just too funny and the director has done a good job at those scenes I can tell you.
The protagonist does a pretty neat job, but other than that, there are no powerful roles. The story revolves basically around 3 friends and all good of heart. So, its a pretty feel_nice movie. Though u cud do without a watch.

3. Dead Poets Society
The best of the 5 flicks that I am reviewing here. This one was terrific. No second thoughts. This one rocks big time. It stars Robin Williams and again I had this Jumanji image in my mind but again, I was corrected. Brilliant acting. He kinda underplayed and it was just awesome. He plays an English Professor at a big time institute but he would rather teach his students how to think freely than ask them to rote stuff. In some ways the film Mohabbatein was inspired by this but there's no romantic element in it. You'll go thru the first half of the film with feelings of nice_comedy, refreshing, good acting, innocent and nice_stuff movie.
But, then it darkens. I won't reveal it to you but it changes drastically. All those good ideas are put to the test and the ending just leaves u speachless. Very powerful. The second half was like a different movie altogether but at the end u realize that they are like two sides of the same coin. Great movie. I just don't wanna reveal anything to spoil ur viewing pleasure.

4. Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
The best thing about the movie is that they didn't try to keep it serious. I actually enjoyed the funny (though criminal) sequences in the movie which were very very intelligently crafted. This is a total timepass movie and u won't regret one minute of ur time. The only reason it can't reach Dead Poet's Society is coz I rate films with a deep feeling much higher than those with "pure entertainment" value. This is a pure entertainer though the crime and killing might not appeal to all. The humor is just too intelligent. And then there's the british accent thruput the movie, which actually adds to the effect most of the times.
If u are thinking of watching this movie, u r on the right track mate.

5. Message In A Bottle
I first read the plot. It said that it was a movie about a lady finding a very depressing love letter in a bottle by the sea and her search for the writer. Seemed pretty much like the theme I write poems on :) So I thought lets give this film a chance. The two letters that she finds initially were very well written and I was enjoying the strong words. Then came the writer. I forget his name. I think Costner (the waterworld guy). Seriously, he fails to impress. But then, the problem was he just falls in love with this girl. At this point I totally lost it. I mean, it was too trivial. In one way he is shown as the guy who cud never part from his departed wife and the next scene he is romancing this girl who he doesn't even know. Boring.
So, I just forwarded the movie and saw the spoilers on the net. I realized that the last 10 minutes of the movie shifts away from the scene and I actually missed some real emotional sequence which wasn't the cliche type. The ending becomes too senti but it was done well. But then I can't watch a 2hr movie just for its last 10 mins. It has to keep u glued till those last 10 mins. This one fails miserably. Better stay away. Chances are you'll never hear about this movie, so u won't have to worry.

Adios then.

About Time

2005-07-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't the name of another movie that I am gonna review :D
Well, I have been pretty lazy recently and have also been caught up in a few things.

I have been to Domino's twice in 4 days !! Now that's good !!
Yesterday night, we finally played cricket after about one week due to the rains. We played for 3 and a half hours staright - from 1 in the night to 4:30 in the morning :))

My work has been going pretty decently but I seem to have gotten stuck at the end :(
I am gonna go home soon and I hope the work finishes before that. It's soooo frustrating when u get stuck at the end :

So, finally, movies :D
I thought I'll see 6-7 in a row and post them together, but the last movie I saw was soooooo bad that I couldn't convince myself to see another movie so soon.
Let's start then
1. The Thin Red Line: shocker movie !! Hits u in the heart. No, it's not a romantic movie or anything. It's a war movie. Actually, its anti-war. Ppl have gone on to compare this with the likes of Saving Private Ryan even !!
But SPR and TTRL are totally different. The only similarity lies in the atmosphere of the two films - "war".
TTRL follows post-WW II sequences where US and Japan are locked in a fight for control over a part of an island that's captured by Japan and hence they hold the strategic points. US suffers heavy casualities during the war and the movie basically talks about the line between sanity and insanity. It shows ppl who are so totally changed by the war that they have lost all faith in mankind. But there are still a few who do believe in good, faith etc etc
If you look at the cast, you'll be fooled. It says .. George Clooney, John Trovolta, Sean Penn, Jim Caviezel, Adrien Brody so on so on. The first two names have just 2 minutes roles, and actually they fail to impress even in those 2 mins coz the others just smash thru !!
Sean Penn, as ever, rocks !! He's been shown as one who has lost faith in mankind.
Caviezel is his contrast, believing in good and hoping mankind will improve.
All the dialogues that these two have amongst themselves are worth remembering.
What makes the movie so special ??
It's the theme and the voice-runs at the back. For one, the photography is like a poem. Beautiful. U have got to see the movie to believe it. There are scenes in the middle that remind u of discovery channel but if u try to see the reason behind the director's choice of those shots, u'll b taken to a different level altogether.
The voice-runs that are the narrations of different characters to themselves runs in the background. The last few lines of the movie are still rocking thru my head, and it's been 4 days now !!
The lines are just too powerful and they question u in a way that will move and surprise u.
But I believe that not everyone will enjoy the movie. U got to understand the director and move to the level he takes u to.
Finds a place among the best films I have seen and to tell u the truth, SPR was brilliant in showing war. For me, TTRL is much above SPR. On a different level altogether.

2. Black Friday: No, this isn't a horror flick. It's based on Bombay riots. The main reason why I chose to see this movie was KK Menon. The actor is too solid and soon bcoming my bollywood fav. The movie depicts reality and is hence slightly raw in its core. Sad movie, nothing good about it, but the cast is quite good and gives a solid performance. If u like reality movies, this one is a must watch.

3. Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi: Again, KK Menon and again, a reality movie. No. I thought this was a reality types movie too. It starts off with rebellious Indian youth trying to voice against injustice. The movie says that it's about the emergency period. But looking back, it was nothing of that at all. It was a painful love story, very touching, yet not very fairy-tale like. It was a romantic movie set against the "Rising India" background where the youth's zeal is taking them away from their other personal dreams. It's a very different movie and without any main stage actors, it does far better than the commercial lot u'll see.
It's worth the two hours. Very different film.

4. Apocalypse Now: The movie that made me stop :D
Stupid movie is all I can say. They wanted to achieve something really good and they laid the foundation too. U re like dying to see what happens next. That feeling is made up very well. But then, it kinda gives up. The movie fails where it should have leaped and bounced. Marlon Brando's role was superb tho critics felt he wasn't very impressive. The movie has style but at most places, it is the usual nonsense stuff. The end tries to be "over your head" but fails miserably. One movie u better not watch.

Apart from that, I just finished the last mission of Project IGI 2 (It's a computer game). One helluva game this one.

That's from me.
Adios.

Sarkar, it's POWERFUL

2005-07-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

Ram Gopal Verma is back with Sarkar, and believe me, he's back for good. It's a brilliant movie, and has a lot of RGV in it. In the very beginning RGV confesses that SARKAR is his tribute to "The Godfather". Comparing these movies would be foolishness. They are different bcoz they were made for different ppl.
But the movie starts and ends in a similar fashion, though the rest is RGV fashion.
It's a 2 hr flick, no songs, no nonsense.

First, the negatives.
Plot wasn't exactly exciting. It was all too Deja-Vu with movies like Company, D etc etc.
The part with Katrina Kaif was a sheer waste. Those 10-15 mins could have been used to a much better purpose.
It rarely happens that you feel a movie was short. But that's exactly what I felt when Sarkar came to an end. It was short. Another half hour would have been no pain at all. I really wanted to see more of the power that Sarkar possesses.

The goods.
Superb direction. Just excellent.
Neat and tidy dialogues and good settings too.
Excellent background score. Before the interval, I thought that it couldn't match the background score of Company, but after the interval, I stood corrected. Simple and brilliant background score.
Best of all, the acting. Seriously, mouth-watering stuff man !!
I'll go in order.
Amitabh Bachchan does (obviously) an excellent job and it seems that this man is just getting better and better, though there isn't much room for improvement :)
The problem was that his character wasn't loud enough. He had to underplay it. He does a great job though, but u are like just waiting for him to stand up and burst out, but his character in the movie doesn't allow that.
Abhishek Bachchan. Well, I would say it was his best performance to date, maybe only comparable to Yuva. Again, his character in the first half of the movie had nothing to offer, hence I won't blame him for the first half. In the second half, he rocks !! Seriously, I now finally feel that Abhishek Bachchan his here to stay. He still needs more hits, but with the power he displayed in Sarkar, he can sure look forward to some awesome offers.
Kay Kay. This guy literally steals the show from right under the noses of all the giants. His role doesn't go till the end of the movie but it is good enough. Good enough to tell u what a great performer he is. I saw him in Chhal before and felt he was just superb. But he does much much more than that in Sarkar. I know I might be saying too much here, but given the circumstances, his was the best performance of the entire movie. He just stole the show. Awesome work.

The movie has raw power and hence, might not appeal to all. It's about crime and power. Though not exactly like Company, Satya and D, it's not too far from them either.
The movie, in one word, is a powerhouse.

Goodfellas

2005-07-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I'm seeing too many movies but then, it ain't bad It's all good :D
This is a nice movie, great acting, but I'll stop at that. Bcoz I had already read a similar plot in "My Life In The Mafia" (http://home.iitk.ac.in/student/ganshul/My%20Life%20In%20The%20Mafia.htm), the plot didn't appeal too much. The acting sure was great, but I must admit I have a certain affinity towards Robert De Niro, so the rest of the cast didn't matter to me :)

I read once that this movie beats Godfather in its organised crime content. True, the organised crime was better shown here, but Godfather had style, style that none could match. That is what the movie lacked. Style.

Decent movie, but drags a bit too much. De Niro shoulda been givena lot neater and tidier footage. He didn't get any solid scenes. Liota was good, but not enough.

Overall, OK movie.

The Pianist

2005-07-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

I know I have been seeing a lot of films lately but its as good as it lasts :)

The Pianist is a classic. No doubt it got all those accolades. The story is touching. It follows the life of a pianist (Brody) who lives in Poland and comes under attack along with his family for being a Jew during the 2nd WW. And this guy is no brave fighter who takes on all Germans single-handedly. Infact, the movie is not about his fight, its about his survival. The way he survives looks so very real, so hard-hitting. He goes through all sorts of things, running and hiding for months at a stretch. Lots of angles of war shown here, but the movie basically revolves around the pianist, someine who just couldn't ever part from himself. It shows that war can take away most things from you, but not everything. Even though this guy was practically down dead lucky to have survived, he never lost his passion for the piano, his hands moving in rhythm everytime he hears a tune, though he might be totaly famished and hiding in some cellar or behind boulders. The soul of the film is very strong. It leaves something on you. The movie is all about the 1939-1945 period and shows the German oppresion of Poland. Its a shcoker no doubt.
Leaves you bleeding from the heart.

Brody was superb, very natural. He held his own throughout the movie and never loses his class.
Sad movie, no doubt, but class.

Sin City

2005-07-01T03:28:00.000-07:00

Just short of a perfect 10. This movie has all it takes to become the best barring the gruesome scenes and the brutality. Both these were essential to the film but they might not find appreciation with everyone. Clearly, not everyone's gonna digest this film, but those who can stand it, wil surely be happy that they watched the film. It's a huge one.

The movie is all about crime, bad people, murders, hitmen etc etc. That's the reason I feel most ppl won't digest the movie.
The movie is made in only 4 colors if I am right - black, white ( surely the gray shades are a part of B & W ), red and yellow. The way the movie is shot is nothing short of spell-binding. Excellent work. Every scene in the movie seems to be a comic-book snip. The movie is itself based on a comic book by the same name.

So, what makes it so big ?
You should ask what DOES NOT make it that big.
It's got Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke (this guy literally steals the show), Clive Owens (well, I never liked him much before this movie), Benicio Del Toro (My personal fav, but he lost out to Rourke becoz of his role), Jessica Alba (doing not much) and many more. The names don't matter. Its the characters that steal your heart. Superb characters, and each actor was like born that way. Mickey Rourke basically takes it all away, superb work. It was good to see this man back, doing what he does best. Act.

Every scene in the movie is so well worked on that you can't stop wondering as to how many ppl were used to make something so magnificient. The story is all fiction and all comic-book like. But that doesn't change anything. It is a raw film, quite gruesome, but if you miss this one, you are gonna miss a huge film of 2005.

Watch it for the cast and the characters. This is one movie you better not punish yourself to miss.

Hotel Rwanda vs Schindler's List

2005-06-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't compare these two movies but the strikigly similar and unique plot of the two movies are crying out for comparison. And I am gonna attempt to compare these movies.
First of all, both movies are splendid, excellent, hard-hitting, all in all, on a different pedestral, high above most other films.
Now, I saw Hotel Rwanda just today, so it is more fresh in my mind.
The thing is HR showed lots of raw things tho the same things existed in SL, the entire Nazi effect changed things a bit. The African environment made HR more raw and brutal. SL talked about Nazis, something that we kinda know about. We have heard things about them. But most of us never knew about the Hutus and the Tutsis.
Also, the guy's family was involved in HR, making it a huge factor for him to DO SOMETHING.

Comparing these two movies isn't right, but in my opinion, SL takes it away. It's black and white effect was too good, Liam was a class act ( I didn't see that class in the guy who played the lead in HR), SL showed the CHANGE in Liam's character as the war proceeded and as he saw things, the ending part of SL remains timeless, I don't think HR was able to achieve that.
Maybe just coz I saw SL first, I am more prone to liking it, but I can't help it. I see a clear line between the two movies.

HR had the advantage that it showed how bad things cud get, with refugees continually popping in and that Gregorie guy doing his stuff, but there were scenes in HR that cud have been better done, like the one where the lead guy abandons his family to stay back (more drama cud be added and the scene made better). There were so many instances where I felt the guy shud just kneel down on the floor and break into tears and pray to God bcoz of the brutalities and the helplessness, but he didn't. Anyway, these ver my thoughts.

Both stand far beyond the normal flicks and the gap between them is too less compared to the gap between them and other movies. Brilliant stuff, wish bolly cud do smthg like this soon :)

"Joblessness" - The VACATION Effect

2005-06-28T23:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah, nothing to do. Still waiting for the prof to review my work before going ahead.
In the meanwhile, I am doing almost everything I should do in holidays. The good news is that the weather has improved, but then now there are insects and frogs all around :

Have watched almost 6-7 movies in the past week.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Funny, but I felt the plot was too crappy. A good vacation watch though.
Requiem For A Dream: A movie on why not to do drugs. Very highly rated movie but personally, I didn't enjoy it a lot. It wasn't exactly meant for the Indian audiences. But the movie had raw power in it. Lotsa gutsy scenes.
The Hot Chick: OK comedy. Could have been better but will do. Rachel McAdams, man she's beautiful !!
Haasil: A friend of mine couldn't stop praising the movie so I thought I'll give it a try. Nice movie, but not as good as he was claiming. Couldn't identify with the violent characters but the villain was the one who carries the entire movie on his shoulders. Brilliant performance by this guy.
The Girl Next Door: Again, OK movie. Seen quite a few like it, so wasn't a new experience. It was all mixed up actually. Decent though.
In America: The best of the lot by a huge margin. Classy script, brilliant characters and brilliant performances. The kids in the movie just act so very brilliantly. The movie was more like the struggle of a family against emotional odds, but it was just splendid. A must watch, though with the right frame of mind. This ain't an entertainer. More of a drama-reality.
One Fine Day: Naah, not worth it. Cliche plot, cliche acting. All seen, nothing new, except the kiddo's acting. Awesome kid, real fun guy. Clooney was his usual self, but couldn't pull it off. This was one romantic movie I would rather have missed, but then, OK. Anyway I am jobless :-p

Gonna read The Prodigal Daughter soon. Just got it from the book club here.
Went to Domino's the other day and realized there is so much beauty in this world :)) I am still talking about food :-p (Don't remember the movie in which the dialogue was there).
No cricket for some days now :( The weather and crowds ain't allowing it.
Lots more going on, but I rather end now.
Adios.

!! NEW POEMS !!

2005-06-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Chk out if interested:
http://home.iitk.ac.in/student/ganshul/writings/poems/Foreverness(L).htm
http://home.iitk.ac.in/student/ganshul/writings/poems/Foreverness(S).htm

Comments welcome :)

Common Sense vs IQ

2005-06-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

What actually matters ? CS (common sense) or IQ. I was having this discussion with a friend of mine and we didn't seem to come to any solid conclusion.

Studies reveal that the average IQ of human beings has been on the rise. Well, I would say that's a fact but what about CS ?
Well, CS is supposed to be something that every human being MUST know. It is supposed to be common. I remember a prof of mine saying this "CS is the most uncommon thing". Well, I do agree with him.
Things as stupid as cigarettes, drinks, drugs etc find their way into the homes of almost every neighborhood. Is it that dangerous ?? Of course it is.

Crime and crap have been on the rise in the recent years on a very exponential state. With all terrorists and anti-social elements invading Mother Earth, there is hardly a place u can call safe anymore.
Am I exaggerating ?? I know I am. But then, don't we all need to civilize up a bit.

There are other things that might say that CS is on its way down.
But, what has this got to do with IQ ??
Well, here's ver a theory of mine comes in.
The EQUILIBRIUM theory. Very easily extendable to all spheres of life.

If we begin vth the assumption that IQ has been steadily increasing, lets try to reason out the causes. Simple actually. The world is becoming more and more comples and competitive and in this race for survival, the Evolution theory says that we will develop our intellect (I know I shudn't be using the Evolution concepts here, but they seem to fit in well, infact, all too well) and hence our IQ is rising. But at what cost. There has to be a cost somewhere.
This is ver CS comes in. How does Evolution allow CS to die down. Well, just because ppl no more care that much about values and the little things that make up life. Its only money and fame. We don't seem to be needing CS anymore. As though we are beyond it.
So, what my theory says is that at the cost of CS, we are gaining IQ.
So, what happens next ?
Well, either this continues till CS bcomes extinct OR we realize that its CS that matters and hence force the evolutionary cycle back to up CS at the cost of IQ.
Does that make any sense ? I dunno, but it seems plausible. Outrageous, but plausible.
Think abt it.

Life .... Reloaded !!

2005-06-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am back !!
IITK is life !! Its been just 3 days since I have been here and I feel like I never went home.
Within an hour of my arrival here, I was playing cricket and after 3-4 hrs of cricket I finally went back to unpacking my stuff :D

The weather sure is horrible but it rained on the first two days and that did provide some respite for heat.
I was busy doing my homepage today in the morning and then it was cricket again.

Work is gonna begin soon, so I better gear-up for that too (like what do you expect me to do ;) ).

I saw "D" the first day. Nicely made RGV movie. Some nice situations and real-life closeness made it quite a nice and enjoyable flick.

Yestereday, apart from cricket, we were all busy gossiping bout the days that went by in these 2 years of IITK life.

I finally feel reunited with myself :D

"Here I am - this is me. There's no where else on earth I'd rather be."
- from Bryan Adams' "Here I am".

The Bonesetter's Daughters

2005-06-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is another book review !!
Actually, for one, I have been a lot into books for the past one month and two, I discovered that its really tough to do a book review. I mean, there's so much u wanna say but its tough to put it down into words without making sure u don't boil down the essence of the book.

This book by Amy Tan is a very unique one. Its theme was the relationship that existed between three generations of women, all belonging to the family of a Bonestter.
I must say that tho I haven't read a lot of books but a book totally devoted to a relationship was something very unique and offbeat.
The book totally focusses on the relationship between a mother and her daughter (the relation that u think exists and the one, that was underlying and which slowly gets revealed) and between the mother and the grandmother (told very well through the mother's diary). Some very strange techniques like using a diary to tell half the story etc were employed quite successfully in the book.
It took me around 7 hrs (that must b my personal best, considering that I haven't done more that 7 novels yet) to finish this one off for the simple reason that it was so elegantly and simply written. Very well chosen words and some real neat descriptions make this one a very easy read.
The beauty and grace with which the author carries off the tender situations and the revealing of the relations is awesome. Very neat indeed. Its more like u wud really like to meet the characters in the story and wanna talk vth them.

A superb book, very very well written.

The Da Vinci Code

2005-06-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

Do I need say more ??
First up, I gotta say that tho I am not an ardent thriller/suspense types book fan but there were many places where the book just became un-put-downable. True this is quite a controversial novel, but that just adds to its publicity.

Well, this was a very very well connected book. The secrets, were NOT AT ALL predictable and tho the story only starts to unravel most of the mysteries at the end, I was pretty shocked as to how the author managed to reveal everything so gracefully and it didn't sound made-up types one bit.
I don't know if it stands out as one of the best, but yes, you have got to give it to Dan Brown that this person sure knows how to keep the readers hooked to the book. The story was very intriguing and very simple to follow, tho most of the times I was dying to keep track of all the secrets and when he would finally reveal the mysteries.

Now, the controversial part. Sure, with all the things that he had written and claiming the findings to be true, this had to create a controversy. But it makes you think at the end "Do we need to bother whether religion is based on a sound fact or not ?". I mean as long as religion serves the purpose of faith and does put hope into you, I think it is good enuf.
Quoting from the movie The Shawshank Redemption "“. . . . Hope is a good thing. .
. . . . maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies." These are strong words and they do mean a lot of truth.
The way in which Dan Brown used the controversy or as many call "conspiracy theory" of claiming Lord Jesus to be a mere mortal, tho at no time trying to say anything less about His great deeds and how great He is. The claim seemed quite much to have a fraction of truth in it.
In the later part of the story, u tend to be torn apart between the religios aspect that the author is referring to and the actual story that's going on in the book.

All the time of reading the book, I could imagone myself seeing a movie with various twists and turns and infact, it was so much beyond a movie.
In the end, I will still say that I am quite surprised with the way all suspenses were bought to justice and how the author managed to give all secrets a proper burial.

Two thumbs up for this one.

To The 10 And Back (part 7) Full Stop.

2005-05-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

I will wrap it up here with some final words.

Say there's a guy A.Say, he has an image in public or rather in society. Call this image B.
The chances that B is truly representing A are not 100%. I think its only about 50%.
The other 50% mostly try to forget their original image and try to dwell in their made up image, image B in this case. Now, mayb the new image is good, but it is false. It isn't the natural image. And I think one shudn't be intimidated by anyone, not even by his own image. There is a reason why all of us are born different (a blog on this will b thr soon) and I think we shud b what v are. Try and do the best vth what v r given rather than try to fit out.

Images don't reflect upon the person truly. It might not even be remotely close to what the person really is.
I'll conclude by saying that DO NOT ASSES A PERSON BY HIS FACE OR OTHER PHYSICAL FEATURES OR HIS BEHAVIOURS OR HIS IMAGE.
That shud be all. Thanx for being so patient.
Adios.

To The 10 And Back (part 6) Uncalled Responsibilities

2005-05-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

When I was telling about my not_so_enthusiastic inclination into continuing to slog with studies to a friend of mine, she responded "..Anshul, u have been given this intelligence, wouldn't it be a shame if u didn't work on it....". Shame, the word hit me hard. Hmm, was it that bad. I mean, did I sign up for this deal. Well, I am sure happy about the reapings that I am getting but is this what I asked for ? Sure its a good thing to score well, but is it a responsibility to score well given that u have a good brain ? I am not saying its not. But is it ??

There was this quote from the movie National Treasure that Nicolas Cage makes, "If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action". Is it true ? Well, he was referring to a crisis but is it that u have to take on the responsibility whether u like it or not ?
I mean, sure this is a debatable topic and it did need clarification for me to move on. I was in a fix. I didn't want to slog. I was happy and wud b happy with decent marks, 8 ish. But once the 10 came, well, it bcame a responsibility. I cud make a 10. But does that mean I shud make a 10. Then it dawned on me (actually it dawned just now). There are many in IIT's who can make a 10, but they do not. If I didn't press on, I wud b one of them. Is it wrong to b like them ? I guess not. Its as simple as priorities. Priorities are personal and also dynamic, that is, they change with time and situation. But still, I still sometimes think of the shame that the entire issue brought up for me.

In one way, its good. It pushed me to do things that would help me. Sure it might be painful on the way and I had to slog thru some very sick courses, but, that's how it is. That's the way things are. Good and bad. We sure cud do without the sick courses, but then I had to go thru it like many others did. Sure the education system is all messed up but this is the education system that is in right now. It won't change overnight.

I guess that tho I cribbed a lot, I must accept that there are two sides to everything. The only thing was, that I hoped u ppl wud understand that 10 is not all that it looks like. It isn't.
In my first days in IITK, I and most ppl understood one thing - ppl are not what they look like. Its not written on anyone's face or behaviour that he/she is such_and_such.
Likewise, just bcoz of an image, don't assume that the person will also be like that.

To The 10 And Back (part 5) Confessions

2005-05-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

This is it ppl, the crux of the entire series. When I started off on the series yesterday, I wanted to share with u all the feelings that I had being a tenner. Sure u all know or can guess how it positively helps u by giving confidence and so on but somehow no one bothers to think abt the negatives. The thing is, everything has a +ve and a -ve. Eveyrthing. That has been my guideline at the worst of times even. I am gonna talk abt the negatives here, coz somewhere deep inside, I am sarcastic and its the -ves that shine and amaze me rather than the +ves.

Continuing on things that I left in the previous post, I must tell you that everyone has an image of a tener in their minds. A certain set of characteristics that you associate with a tenner, sometimes even physical characteristics (a friend of mine recently showed my photograph to his friends and the first thing they all told him was "He doesn't look like a tenner" :)) ). It creates a profile of urs, whether u like it or not. Somehow I can't digest the feeling that there is a profile of me out there in ppl's mind that isn't truly me. There area few tenners who really are like their profile suggets. But not all, atleast not me. And it kills me from within to see how ppl react to me at times. Some go so very sweet wen they talk to me just coz I have scored a 10 and I know they won't even bat an eyelid if I vern't a tenner. Its that bad. U lose urself, whether u like it or not. Now I can't possibly go around telling ppl that I ain't like wat u think I am. Fortunatle, my wingmates atleast know who I really am and they respect me for that and I respect them for this mere approval of my true from.

U know, if u ask me, I never wanted to be a tenner. It wasn't something I worked for. Back in 1st sem the only thing I knew (or was supposed to know) was that I have to do well to get a branch-change. But when the 10 happened, the scenario changed. My plans now had a lower limit. I cudn't go below a certain level now. Why ?? Coz I wasn't supposed to. "A tenner doesn't do ....". I mean, I necer wanted to be wearing the cloak of 10 over me but I cudn't help it. It was stuck to me.
To tell u the truth, this is what I wanted :- 8 point someone, mech. engg., living life very cool at my own pace, enjoyin life and going beyond grades forever, to spend precious time trying to discover life rather than slog on sick courses,..... the list is endless. But I am sure u get the picture. Now imagine this, cud I do this after scoring a 10 ?? I mean, what ppl or rather "society" wud say is that I ended up below where I cud have been. And I will confess. I didn't feel myself when I took CSE. Things r different now. I am making most of what has come my way (luckily, CSE still has a lot of classic mathematical theory in it, which I love). Now u know why I blogged abt society that much. Coz I was myself a victim and worst of all, ppl never saw the scars, they thought they were like joy-marks. I know half of u will b like "what the hell is he talking abt. Surely CSE is better than Mech.". Yes, I know. But as I told u all, my independence and my likings are more important to me than facts. I can't step over myself like most ppl unknowingly do. Its like disrespecting yourself. Why ??
Is it wrong to think and do differently. Of course not. Every person is born different and surely God knows better than to create ppl vth differeing personalities. Why do things that are known to b rite. Why not do things that u think are right and u r comfortable with rather than walk down a path that u don't want to go ?? A question as simple as this has no answers. Ppl will simply turn their heads away. I can't.

At the beginning of the sem, when I was exposed to a real crap course (my batchmates know which course I am talking abt), I kinda lost faith in acads and I think I was right. There is no use sulking in the heat of such stupid courses. But when I told bout these feelings of mine to a friend, he responded "Anshul, u r a tenner. U are not supposed to behave like that, atleast not u". That was it right there. I felt like I was being cornered. I wasn't supposed to. Why ??
Just coz a two-digit number hovers around me. No. I can't accept that.

When the electives issue came up for the 1st time last sem, I spent almost a week trying to fight off the fear of grades over choosing good courses. Finally I won. I decided I would take good courses rather than easy ones. But, it seemed I was too late. 4 of my electives were rejected coz I was late in submitting requests :( I had no choice. The only alternative left was a course that was easy.
But when the same issue rose up for the next sem, I didn't wait. I attacked early and I am happy to say that I chose courses that ver real good and intresting rather than the drab ones.
U know, it wasn't easy. But I was predetermined not to b a victim again. I had to fight it. This little thing in itself was a very big vitory for me. Very big.
I don't know whether these courses will b responsible for my stepping down from the 10 or not but frankly, I feel I have won the war even before it started. I don't care what I score. I am gonna do my best, regardless of what happens and what the society says. I don't care. Its my life, my own life.

Remember I talked abt being victimized by the power of this 10 in the early part of last sem when I did my 1st mids badly. I think now u'll understand y i felt at a loss. The whole point of education is to teach u something and not just expect u to mug things and blurt them out. But when I chose to work to regain my 10, I must confess (and I am sure that most ppl in my place wudn't even realize this) that I gave in. I lost right there. I chose to give time to even those filthy courses just coz I had chosen to regain my 10. But the guilt was so strong in me that I actually discovered a new weapon. Hard-work. For this, I don't wholly regret my decision. U c, there is always a good side to things.

U know, there are some things to which u can just close ur eyes and they will continue feeding on u and u will b in a state of daze and won't realize whats happening. Just like say when someone starts taking drugs. The person, after a while gives in to the fact that its destroying him and he just closes his eyes to the facts. That is what a 10 can do. I mean, what I experienced last sem when I had to decide on wat to do next after my 1st mids was just too much to ask of a poor soul. I never felt so battered bfore. I mean, I knew the worst that cud happen was spi 8.8, which means a cpi of 9.7 !! (just checked in calc, so don't worry). I mean, imagine a guy getting worried for days tho he knows happen wat may, he'll atleast score a 9.7. This was my condition. I cudn't even pity myself, coz once u have decided to go on vth something, u have to go on vth full force, and no self-pitying at all.
That's y I considered my last 10 to be more than just a 10. There is still a very important (most imp. actually) angle to it that I can't write about due to personal reasons but if u even feel a bit of the pain that I went thru, I will b satisfied.

U know, life ain't all that sunny. Its dark too. Every room has its own dark corners an bright walls. There is no denying it.

I just hope that ppl don't attribute an image to someone just by seeing the materialistic aspects. The im-materialistic ones are the ones that really matter.

Don't learn, but discover. sounds nice eh ?, my own creation :)

To The 10 And Back (part 4) The Dark Side

2005-05-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

I know its strange to think about anything bad connected with a 10, but believe me, its sometimes a number that has haunted me for days. In this post I am going to give a general picture of a few things that almost all tenners face.
U know, wen I accidentally wrote abt that relative thing in my previous posts, I didn't realize how deep it was until I had a chat with a close friend of mine abt it. U c, being a 10 sure feels good, but it has its own pros and cons, just like any other score does.

This 10 has an effect on you, like the Ring in the LOTR. You covet it so much that u don't see other things around u, things that actually do matter. Things as simple as relations, emotions, life itself. The thing absorbs you. I sure feel good being a tenner but every time I get my marks in the midsems its like " Will I be defending my 10 with such marks ?", or "Is this good enough ?". It does not stop. Even though you have performed much better than most ppl, all u can do is sigh and hope that its good enuf to give u an A, whereas other ppl around u who have scored an A are rejoicing. It even takes away the pleasure of scoring an A grade. Its that bad. When I did end up doing bad in my 1st midsems for reasons I can't put here, I felt a guilt in me. Like I wasn't capable of carrying the 10 anymore; and it was killing me. I spent weeks thinking at nights on how to handle myself and whether I should think of being captivated by this 10 and work all out to regain it or just stay cool and do as much as I can and not be intimidated by the 10. Theoretically, I shud have chosen the latter, I know that's the right thing to do. U shudn't get intimidated, in no circumstances. But I chose the former. And I know most of u will say that I did do the right thing coz I ended up scoring a 10.
But I know I chose wrong. I will elaborate more in the next post.

U c, ppl start creating an image abt u. U don't have a choice nemore. Ppl expect something from u, almost for granted. And it ain't good, not at all. Atleast for someone like me who values his independence and his moods above all else. I don't want to care abt what others expect from me, yet I am forced to. I think its getting kinda hazy.

Another problem is that u r forced to work hard even on courses that are soooo damn boring and don't even deserve to be worked upon. But u still have to slog on them, while the rest of the ppl can easily anjoy and amuse themselves with more intresting subjects. This was one thing that personally made me feel like this 10 business was a major let-down. It was forcing me to do things that I knew I shudn't. I mean, there were subjects I wanted to go deeper into but I had to sacrifice the time to cope up on other boring subjects just coz I wasn't assured of an A in it (though I was pretty sure of a B in them). I mean this is the worst part of it. The entire "good education" thing was at stake due to this 10. I feel that atleast some part of my problems are reaching u.

And another thing that this 10 throws at you (but which I triumphantly stepped over) is the choice of electives. There are always electives that are known to be "grade-lifters" and those electives which are "challenging but tough". Any day before entering IIT I wud have chosen the challenging thing without a second thought. But now, being a tenner and that image looming and hovering above me, I had an extra weight on me. What shud I do. Go for the grade-savers or for the challenge. Now, I will let u in on one major fact. Most ppl I know, tho not tenners, don't even give it a second tot. I asked them y they chose so_and_so elective and the simple answer I got was "The prof is cool. Gives a lot of A's". And when I ask them wat the course is about,its like "I dunno. Ppl say its easy". What the hell man !!
Where are u ppl. IIT or in school. And this is so prevelant that I get these looks from ppl "Hey, y r u even asking this. Don't u know which course to take ? ". I mean the whole point of introduction of electives has broken down.
So, if u want to choose an elective, its like a two_minute_recipe
step 1: look at all the courses
step 2:strike-off the courses that have a tuff course
step 3:strike-off the courses that have a prof who ain't very leniant in grading
step 4:look for courses ver u can easily impress the prof and Voila !! , u r done.
U have a list of courses and all u have to do is pick one and pretend that u like it and have an intrest in it. Simple eh ??

Never appealed to me tho, this whole idea of electives to save grades.
So, what did I do ? I'll answer that in the next post, which is gonna encapsulate how I handled things. This post was meant to be how a tenner feels, not how I feel.

To The 10 And Back (part 3) A Lesson Learnt

2005-05-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

I lived a long time thinking that hard-work wasn't necessary or essential to succeed. And I did do without it for an year atleast (first sem was decent work). But once the sem went real bad and I realized that I had started on the wrong foot (I think I started out on my hands), I cudn't do much other than fall back to the basics. The only prob was, I had never gone by the basics; I wasn't a text-book guy. So, I had to kinda discover what hard-work really meant (actually, I am exaggerating again, coz I still haven't hard-worked. The hard was well, mildly hard ;) ). But to some extent, I cudn't do anything else. There wasn't much margin for error.
And when I did finally confirm the result, I also confirmed a lesson to myself "Hard-work does pay at the end". Here's where the bad part starts.
U c, hard is a relative term. So, if u are in a habit of pushing urself, it doesn't mean u r working hard. If u wanna work-hard, it means u have to raise the standards above ur normal ones. Its relative. Its about beating urself.

I know ppl who have almost worked their backs off (I wanted this to b a "U" rated post, so I had to use backs) but they haven't got anything significant out. Why ??
I can't answer that fully but it's about you. Every one has a certai level of things and at one place or the other, it does come down to things like luck, chance, inherent skill etc.
What do u then, well, I dunno. I need an answer to that too.

So, for all those out there who think hard-work is just another fancy text-book term to be used only by professors and teachers, well, wake up. It helps. Hard-work does pay off.

To The 10 And Back (part 2) Why Now ??

2005-05-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

I cud have done this anytime earlier in the sem, but I never felt the urge to do it and well, I am someone who doesn't do things unless the urge arises. I know it sounds normal but when I say things I mean almost everything.
This fourth 10 that I scored was the most important for me, and not bcoz its the latest or any such naive thing. Its coz there was a bigger battle at stake. An inner battle. The sem that passed wasn't just yet another academic semester. It was a lot more for me. It was my biggest battle (biggest completed battle, bigger battles are still on :) ).... against many things. I had to fightback, in every sense of the word. The pressure from within was too enormous to bother about extrinsic pressures.
After the end-sems ver done I was like in a daze for almost a day bfore I got my senses back. I was like too exhausted to even be myself (looks like a nice statement na). It drew me out, emptied all my reserves.

There is more to a 10 than meets the eye. Its dark. It takes over you.
The problem is, I ain't like ur average tenner. Studies like hell, never takes his head outta the books, stinks in the lib day in and day out, doesn't talk to normal guys, has no feelings, doesn't play games etc etc (sorry I exaggerated). Heck, I ain't even half of that.
Had I been a sincere student, I cud have identified with a tenner. But no, its beyond that.
And to tell u the truth, I am happy I ain't like that. I do have a life.

Again, why now ??
Bcoz I have just gone thru the details of the battle and I think it wud help to share my thoughts on it. So, that's why now.

To The 10 And Back (part 1) Prologue

2005-05-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am gonna kich start the first of the two blogs that I am almost forced to write by my conscience. This series is gonna go deep, so I can't promise that most of u will make any head or tail outta it. It depends on how deep u wanna go.
Why am I doing this particular series of posts. For one, this is gonna be an eye-opener to many and probably to myself when I finish it off. Second, I feel compelled to write this down, especially after coming so close to the end.
The inspiration comes from many sources but the fact that I just got confirmation of my 10/10 score for the fourth semester was the kill.
This series is gonna mayb bring out a few things abt myself, and hence is very appropriate for the title of the blog itself viz. "I am ... umm, who am I ??"
Finally, I want to make it clear that at no point will I lose my humbleness and will I try to hurt others. I mean, I am gonna try my best to make sure u ppl don't say "What do u know, u r a 10 pointer. U don't know how it feels to .....". Plz, don't think that. The fact that a few ppl are gonna think like that is one reason I didn't blog earlier but I think I need to do this.

The Past Few Days..

2005-05-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
its been good. So has the weather.
I spent 3 days at my cousins place and all we did was play computer games and watch movies.
One ulti game was Call Of Duty, this is a game built around World War II time and you have to do different missions, basically sniping, killing and the sorts. Sounds regular eh ?
U seen Enemy At The Gates or Saving Private Ryan, remember those war-torn buildings and those shelled homes with streets full of remains of buildings and dirt. This is exactly what the game features. Sniping at its best, seriously. I am a big fan of sniping and I think could have done well in the forces as a Sniper ( :)) ). But seriously, all those FPS game lovers out there, this is one sweet game.

Apart from that, had lotsa junk food and watched two movies
1. Identity:- U think u r good at understanding english movies at the first go. Try this. Brilliant and VERY confusing. I am still not sure what happened even after going thru the spoilers. Actually those who wrote the spoilers started off like this "This is what I think happened..."
That quite much tells the story doesn't it.
2.National Treasure:- Nice story, great acting by Nicolas Cage and Diane Kruger was looking ..like the face that launched a thousand ships :))

I have to write two GOOD blogs but I ain't got the time rite now, but will do so soon.
Adios.

Some Good Busy Days

2005-05-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I have been having some real good and busy days. Busy as in so many places to go to and so little time :)
This has been my schedule for the past few days :-
wake up at 11 a.m. , be in a daze till 12 (:)) ), online till lunch, lunch, TV, first outing, back home just to tell my parents that I will b going out in the nite, second outing, return by 11 or 12, play caesar 3 till 1 or 2 in the night, doze off happily.
Well, now that's hectic.
I bought a few more novels and now I have 3 books that I have to read plus I am gonna get one more from a friend. Looks like I'll have some busy reading in the future.

Apart from that, I saw the movie "Naina", starring Urmila Matondkar yesterday night.
The best part about the movie was that it was just two hours long :)). I hope u get the picture. I went in vth a very good mood and high spirits. The movie started off pretty well and moved at a very decent pace ( the pace for one thing, was decent thruout the movie). Urmila's acting was very good and well, she does suit these movies perfectly well. The problem started after the intermission. The story was revealed and I must tell you, it was crap. Nonsense. I mean, the first half was decent and the 2nd half totally didn't live up to the 1st at all !! Well, that's that.
In the first half, I was sitting right next to the A.C. and boy, was it cold !!
And with the compressor making so much noise, I was like hearing from only one ear :))
But I swapped seats vth my friend and well, he seemed to b enjoyin the excess cold.

Also saw the movie "Veronica Guerin" yesterday on Star Movies. Cate Blanchett stars in this true-life based movie of a journalist who goes beyond everything to try and expose the drug lords in Ireland. Again, a short movie, no-nonsense, brilliantly directed and good pace.
But it was the end that really comes hard at you. Great movie and I won't spoil the ending for you.

I have also been very busy playing Ceasar 3 on my comp. This is one very unique game. U r given a huge piece of land, almost an entire state, and ur job is to .... that's the best part. You can do anything u like. Its basically city building and there isn't any fighting like in AOE etc. So, what makes this game intresting. Well, it focusses on city-building and upkeeping. One helluva game this one. Try it out, but only if u like strategy games. I am playing this game after one whole year and so its very refreshing.

Lots more happening, but I better stop now.
Adios.

The Society (part 6) - Concluding Remarks

2005-05-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, this is gonna b the end to this long drawn first series of blog and though I didn't get many responses, I must confess that I would have felt incomplete without blogging about this and a few more things, which I will do soon.

The thing is that though the Society has been in existence for as long as humanity has (well, almost), one must understand that like every other thing, there is something called change that is necessary and it must be bought on from time to time. Change is the only certainity.

An old generation has to give in to a new one and with it, it must handover its thoughts and must trust the younger generation to choose from those thoughts as it wishes.
I am sure that there is always some fear when a new thing comes into power, but that's the way things work around us.

Personally, The Society will always be my favourite punching-bag and though I don't deny my own involvement in it, I will certainly say that some dynamism is required in it.
I hope it comes soon, coz time is flyin away quickly. The clock is ticking ..

!! NEW STORY !!

2005-05-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

Hello all.
Just finished editing my latest story - "The Miracle Man".
Just goto http://elixirial-poems.blogspot.com and u'll find it under "stories".
B bye.

The Society (part 5) - Possible Causes

2005-05-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

I want to put an end to this series for now but I will forever be under the sarcasm of this topic almost whenever I blog or write. That, my friends, is the power of Sarcasm :))
Well, surely the society has its positives too. I mean its the society with which we share our successes, joys and happy moments. We, in some ways, return to it. But I ain't gonna go into the positives of The Society. My main job was to get the negatives across, which I think I did in the previous post.

Now, when I say causes I am refering to causes of Why the society has the negative traits that I wrote of yesterday.
Well, to begin with (and as I had pointed out yesterday), a major reason is The Generation Gap. I really dunno if this problem can be solved cozits kinda recursive ( lines from a very fundoo signature - "I can't understand recursion, coz I can't understand recursion" ;) ). We may be blaming the Generation Gap, but we will be the cause of it soon and once we are at the other end of it, I don't think we will realise that we are causing this problem.
The thing is, each generation has its own morals which need not be true for the next generation. And looking at the way the things are changing in this dynamic world, there is no doubt that the views of the two generations are really wide-apart. Whether this gap is resolvable or not, u decide. My personal opinion - "It can never be fully resolved, unless we have a generation that's endlessly tolerable."

Another reason is the bossing-around attitude that a few ppl have. This is when ppl poke their nose into everyone's business and give their advices (un-asked for) in issues they have no idea of, but just to achieve a satisfaction of authority. Well, such ppl exist in almost all parts of towns. The problem deepens when ppl of this sort come together and start preaching their ideals. The only way this problem can be resolved is if either these ppl realize their own mistake or others gang up against such ppl and make them realize their mistakes.

Another cause is the so called spreadism (coined by me just now ;) ). This is when the epidemic starts to spread, or when the fire begins to take the entire forest down. Confused ?
Its quite simple. If a problem starts in some corner of a place, it easily gains momentum and spreads if itsn't checked initially. U c, there is this strange observation that bad things generally spread faster and wider than the good things. U can find many instances of this thing around u. I think I will be able to give one whole post on this issue.

There could b various other causes but these r the ones that r in my mind rite now.
That's all from me for now. I suppose I'll end this Society series tonight.
Adios.

The Society (part 4) - The Hard Facts

2005-05-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ok everybody, put on your seatbelts, we r gonna go thru some turbulence soon.I know I should have given examples of things I was talking about but I was a bit unsure as to whether I would be able to put them down in an uncontroversial fashion. But I think, this being a blog, I shouldn't bother much about that. So I will just lay before u all the hard facts. The examples, that is.

These are general citings from day to day lives and from reliable sources. U might not agree whole-heartedly with the issues but please bear in mind that u cannot simply say that it doesn't happen anymore. Most of the examples do refer to the Indian Society (urban) in general but I am not going to point out any references.

Say a person has decided to start a business of his (I hope I am not offending the female readers by using the male sex in my examples. If so, I apologise whole-heartedly) own and it is not considered a safe job in and around his neighbourhood. Now say this guy actually doesn't do well initially in his business. Believe me, the society is gonna gun this guy down with things like "We had warned u but u never bothered. Now u r suffering" or "this is what happens when u don't listen to others". No one would even bother to listen to his side of the story and they will discourage him to such an extent that he will have no one to listen to.
This is very common even in some academic scenarios where the student would like to go ahead say in commerce or pure sciences. I know a few of u won't believe this but I have even heard things like "My daughter wants to do medicine but I want her to do Engineering" or even better "My daughter is intrested in medicine but I am intrested in Engineering". What the hell man. Can't someone even decide his/her academic intrests ?? I mean, its obvious that if u r good at ur work u will do well in ur field, whatever it be. And if u have an intrest in something, it is quite obvious that u will put in some decent efforts into it. Isn't it better than atleast pushing students around ??
And look at these so called educational institutes that offer coaching for students who wanna go into IITs. Well, I was a victim too but the fact is that you don't simply go to a place coz everyone is going there. I would not only blame the parents of the students involved but its the entire organisation of parents here. One says to the other "yes, its quite good. They keep them busy there", and this much is enuf to seal the poor guy/gal's fate. Integrated colleges (offering coaching for IIT/Eamcet and regular college) have timings as severe as 7-7 !!Now is it just me who thinks that this is unfair or is there anyone else who would like to voice for this injustice. I mean, 12 hrs !!!!!!!! Cmon, what is this madness.Of course the kids use their own means to get out of these things. They simply don't pay attention in the class. And do you know how boring the lectures get. The lecturers are supposed to teach almost 70-80 students at one go and they are teaching stuff as fundoo as stereo-chemistry or calculus or rotational dynamics. Please, gimme a break. These are topics that need a lot of concentration. I don't wanna go further into the educational system of India now. I could dedicate a whole blog to that !!

Another very common thing: Marriage.Say someone is not ready for marriage and rather wants to first establish his /her job well. But no. The parents get into stupid arguments "We know wats good for u. U r still very young". If that's so,why do u wanna get him/her married. Let em grow up first !! And this is where the entire neighbourhood creeps in. "Is there something that you are hiding", or "are u seeing someone else". My god. Things get crappy.

And what about when someone finally finds his/her soulmate. Man, there is not one person in the society who thinks that what he/she wants to do is right. Its always "your parents will b very hurt. Thay have done so much for u, is this how u repay them".Now, u won't believe this but there are some poor souls who actually don't even get close to the opposite sex (friendship even) just bcpz of this nonsense. I know u find this crazy but believe me, I know such ppl first hand !! The thing is, maybe their parents have no such restrictions in their mind but just bcoz of the society they don't agree and they get manipulated. Is this right ? Is this even in the least possible way logical ??
And when someone rejects a job coz he/she doesn't actually find it matching with his/her intrests. Its like "maybe the pay wasn't good", "he/she is a fool to reject such a good job" etc. I mean it becomes suffocating.

In many states of India having friends of the opposite sex is considered bad. Seriously, it is because of such a response that things never achieve a just position in reality.How could friendship be bad. Its becoz ppl still believe (I know u r gonna shout at me for this) that ppl of the opposite sex can't be just friends. I mean, if u don't accept the facts, how will things change. How will the truth come out in the light. It was partly becoz of this that I didn't wanna directly quote examples coz I don't know if ppl are willing to voice their feelings and stand by them. Though most of u will agree vth me but u will not want to put ur thoughts out.Well, I just hope that ppl come out vth their feelings and throw away this curtain of darkness from the society and bring into light the truth that has been imprisoned for so long and might soon become extinct.Maybe we could start a new project for this. "Save the truth", hows that ;)
Well, to a certain extent, its the generation gap that causes this imbalance in views and well, come tomorrow, we will be the "old generation" and it just might be us causing all this trouble all over again. Are we ready to change the future or are we gonna be just like any other generation and maintain this generation gap. Will we able to make a change and respect the truth for what is. I am sorry, but I don't see that happening. Not at this rate anyways.
God bless us everyone.

"All in all its just another brick in the wall"
- Pink Floyd

The Society (part 3), "The Moral Police" ??

2005-05-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it had to come down to this comparison you know. The Society does invariably create an atmosphere of limits for us (the ppl of the society) to live within and to make sure we don't cross them. But the greatest irony is that time and again these lines have been redrawn coz it so happens that mostly one individual crosses the line, goes across it, and finds that there was no reason to stay behind the lines all these years and then after some deep thinking the society finally opens its eyes and redraws the lines, putting the new ones just infront of the position where the individual has just got to. I mean, there still is this tendancy for the society to act safe and limit things as much as possible. No doubt its good to be safe but only if it really is an issue. I mean, some of the norms of the society (though untold, but their existence isn't even doubted) are so illogical that u feel like you are in those old times that u wud have probably heard of from your grandparents. Sure things have moved on but some things are still clinging on to old times without any reason.

The problem arises when an individual actually comes across a scenario in which one sees that it is beneficial to be on the other side of the line and it is logical too !!
Yet, because of the society, one generall does hold back and in some cases u actually start blaming yourself that u took steps that led to such closeness to these holy lines. What crap !!
I mean just coz the norms have stood the test of time doesn't mean that they are right and should be upheld at all times. It might just b that no one ever saw the other side of the line and no one ever bothered to do so.
What one must do at such times is to think as to what would happen if he/she crosses the line and enters into the other side, irrespective of the society. That is, what would the other side be like, assuming that what the society says isn't important.
It is sometimes beneficial to ignore the society and at times the society leaves u with no other choice. Either give up and become another brick in the wall or else, stand up for urself and rather be The Gladiator and fight off the sticky society and open their eyes, or better still, just do what u feel is right and don't give a damn about the society. Deep down everyone feels that yes, the society is just a gas-bag and there is no weight in what it says, yet whenever someone other than us tries to cross the lines, we immediately (rather spontaneously) blame him/her for being careless and ask him/her to step back.
Now this really is hypocrisy. This isn't how the system should work. One should atleast try to practice what one preaches. But I guess that's how it works. I am talking in general about societies all over the globe, though I must confess that I am taking instances and inspiration from the state of society around me.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I better go to sleep now if I even plan to go to jogging tomorrow morning.
Adios.

Its Been A While

2005-05-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone !!
Its been a while. The net hasn't been responding very well for the past couple of days.
Updates:
I saw "Kingdom Of Heavens". Story was quite good (about Jerusalem) and the fight scenes were quite good too but it was a bit long and a bit boring at times.
Next, I saw xxx2, again !! Actually had to see it again. No other good movie was on the offering nearby, so.

Roamed a bit aroung Hyd too (after a long time). Those good shopping malls and the huge parking lots, Man it was like old times !!

I haven't been able to go out a lot due to the extreme heat here in the day time and the day time is like from morning 8 to evening 6 !!. Imagine that !!

There was this topic of "Being Institutionalized" (Watch "Shawshank Redemption") that a friend of mine bought up in the newsgroup back at IITK and I now really feel that every one of us at IITK has this feeling in them, though to various extents depending on person to person.
You can't live away from the place for long. It kinda pulls you back. I am not in a very desperate state right now to get back but then its only been a week and I wish I could go back for a while and come back again. Wish I had lived somewhere close to Kanpur, but then, I can't imagine a better home than Hyderabad.

You know, there just this something about living in a hostel, especially IITK that makes you forget home (except after the endsems; its a time when everything around you feels so alien and so creepy. You just wanna run away, somewhere. Anywhere) and you feel so much in the element when u r at IITK. That feeling of comfort and relaxation, friends, computer, LAN, the hostel, the junk food, oh man !! The list is endless. I dunno whats gonna happen at the time of convocation when you will be kicked out of that place. We friends sometimes try to imagine our misery when that particular day will arrive and we always end up saying "Forget it man, its too scary a situation to imagine". We all know deep down that its gonna happen, one fine day. Sometimes, we also feel that we should just get out of this place as quickly as possible. As raks put it once "I just hope that we all get out of this place in our stipulated time" ;) (IITians samajh hi gaye honge, others need not bother :) ).
I'll close the post now. Gotta eat.
Adios.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

2005-05-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Hello all.
A couple of announcements.

Firstly, I just completed my write-ups page .
It contains most of my poems and stories.
You can also access it via the link "My Write-Ups" on the links section in the right side of the page.
I am planning to complete another poem and another story by this weekend,so if you are intrested, keep checking the site.

Secondly, please "refresh" the page whenever you visit this page or the write-ups page.
The thing is that most browsers DO NOT show the updated version of the page. This is some default browser bug I suppose. Anyways, that is all.
Have fun.

A "Routine" Vacation Day

2005-05-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Nice day today, saw a movie and finished the novel I was on.
Generally I picture myself spending most of the time outside on a good vacation day but with time, I must say that is becoming very rare, I don't know why.
Ppl are somehow busy with their own chores, however silly they might be. Whatever, I can't speak for them all.

So, I saw "Hitch" today. A typical Will Smith movie minus the action. This was a romantic comedy and I somehow had this idea that the movie wouldn't b able to do that well in the Romance department but it had me in the end. Brillinatly covered movie and its greatest asset was the details, little things that make so much of a difference.
The comedy was real neat and sharp. No cheap nonsense, just up to the point situational comedy. The first half had so many light moments and funky scenes.
Man, I didn't know the movie would be that good. But I must also confess that I enjoy almost any movie (yeah, its strange but I have enjoyed almost 90% of the films I have seen :D ).

Then, I finished the autobiography I was spending time on from three days now.
This was a different kind of autobiography. Sure the person was kinda big but in a very different department. He was a top Mafia guy. I know, imagine the autobiography of a Mafia guy, but this was awesome.
He was a top Mafia guy who was cheated by a few of his close friends and then he turned informer to the cops. Just looking at the way they make money will have u in splits.
They call upon a rich guy to play cards with them (he surely doesn't know they are bad guys) and initially they let him win and then slowly, they squeeze his entire money out, infact he ends up in debts with them (and u DON'T want to b in debts with these guys). Imagine owing money to the mob guys, man !!
They also do a kind of informal banking !!
They say that u can invest money with them and they'll give u 5% money on it and initially they do till u give them more money based on trust and when they finally have enuf money, they simply tell u to run off.

But the thing that was really new was the way they were disciplined in the business. No one harms any Mafia guy's family and infact if a Mafia guy is in prison, his family continues to get a kind of pension while the guy is in prison. Its so appealing :)) .
They sometimes do so much for each other that you'll wonder how these guys could be bad.
And this guy actually says that he enjoyed being in the Mafia but would never want his kids to be in it and says that he had missed the best part of his life since he had to be away from his family. This was one nicely constructed book.

Adios.

The Society (part 2), The Roots

2005-05-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

How the Society began is as stupid a question as asking "How did relationships begin".
Its so very elementary. It was an act of utmost selflessness (atleast it was supposed to be). The society was supposed to protect everything that was moral and punish the others.
All in all, the Society was to create a safer next generation so that they could become what the then-generation thought was right and safe and so that the path they thought was right would be followed.
I must say that to some extent the words (the untold words, actually) of the Society are Law in some places and in some places they are even worshipped as holy rules.

But sooner or later, everyone of the new generation starts questioning the basis of what the society professes. In some ways, the Society comprises of people who are generally experienced in matters of Life and have done well in their personal lives.
You must understand that what you think of the society is something very much your own. There is no Society in its physical form. Its just a thing that exists and which governs a lot of things, at times.

People are scared to against the Society coz it wud harm someone or the other and they feel that it would be wrong to do this coz the Society thinks it is wrong.
Is this logical ?? Well, in some cases it is, but in many cases, it is wrong too.
So, what do you do, listen to the Society or not ?
Well, its finally your decision but I wanted to dig deeper into the psychology of this Society.
I am gonna start writing on the core of the subject from tomorrow.
Let's see.
B bye.

The Society (part 1), A Preview

2005-05-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

Society, the enclosure around us that we can't see, but can only feel. Its texture depends on who is touching it and in what stage of his/her life the person is in.
The Society is thought of as an unknown force that limits your doings and it sets norms on what it sees as ethical and sets punishments on things that are unethical or not-allowed.
At different stages of a person's life, he/she views the Society differently, with different shades on. You might be afraid of the Society or you might be idolizing the society or various other things.
From what I have come across, people have this view on Society - "It is illogical, but we can't go against it". Now this puts me in a lot of dilema. We call ourselves advanced and we can't even figure out as to whether these illogical things actually mean something or not.

What I am gonna do in the next few posts is to try and make some ends meet and try to come to some conclusion bout this illogical thing.
I would need ur feedback to further develop this issue.
I am sure all of us have, atleast once in our life, thought of Society as a barrier and have had our views (mostly) against it. I will try and see if this particular thought can be given good weight or is it just a state of the mind.
Adios.

Home Sweet Home

2005-05-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

Its good to be home, especially after the endsems. I was kinda feeling awkward at IITK after the endsems and I just wanted to rush back home. The journey didn't turn out to be that bad either. Though it was 31 hours long it was kinda ok as my journeys go.

I have got lots to do, well, atleast I plan to do a lot.
Jogging is the first thing, doing some study for my project is the second.
These are the two "constructive" things that I thought of doing this one month.
Can't wait to meet my friends, catch up with my cousin, get on my Activa, write another poem, check out the Hyd malls and do a lot more things that this month can offer.
Basically, I hope to get the best out of this month.
Let's see how things go.
I am also planning to put up a new "Movies" page soon.
Let's see how that turns out.
I am kinda sleepy now, so I better hit the sack.
Adios.

The "Black Pearl" Effect

2005-05-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

Nope, you ain't gonna find anything bout this on the net. Why ?? Coz I made it up :))
Actually I just coined the term, nothing else.
So, what's this all about.
Its just a factual thing that I happened to notice over the past few years and I don't know whether its a universal phenomenon or something else.
U know, when u are about to witness an event and u are sure its gonna happen and then u start thinking about how its gonna happen. I mean the place, the people around, the atmosphere etc.
Say u r actually wishing for a certain kinda atmoshphere to exist and a certain group of ppl to be there etc. That is u r wishing for a particualr scenario.
What I have noticed is that more often than not, that exact scenario will not occur though it might be the most plausible. Another scenario, maybe similar but not same, will exist in place of what u thought.
U can cite many examples bout this from day to day life.
I have felt this happen a lot with me and a few close friends of mine. Not a very big thing but strangely, in itself, it represents an incompleteness. Another Inherent Human Limitation.
U can almost never get what u want if u r wishing EXACTLY for it. The trick here is to wish for something with the same objective, yet not exactly the scenario u are looking for.
This does work big-time, believe me.
I have seen this to be quite true at times, and at times u would most need it.
I don't know if this is a common feeling among others too but yeah, ppl have talked bout such things at various times, only it was never probed in too much.
The thing is, the scenario will either exist in ur mind or in the real world. They can't co-exist except in the case of things like "Deja-vu" and those times when u have dreamt of something and exactly the same thing happens. I still can't contradict this fact.

Why Black Pearl. Simple enuf actually.
Pearl (even the Black Pearl) is a representative of Beauty and all things good and perfect. Something that we wish for in all walks of life and thus we dream or wish for.
Black here represents the state of life or the incompleteness that I had mentioned.
Its the threading of these words together that I feel depicts a lot in itself.
In History, Black Pearls were supposed to be the King's Jewel representing Power and Authority and beauty too. But again, ppl talked abt the curses of pearls and thus there was some mystery associated with this. Well ..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sky Seems Blue Again !!

2005-05-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

Enfin, the end of endsems !!
Its a feeling that I am at present so overwhelmed with that I can't think straight.
I need a good sleep, a real ggod gaming weekend, a cartload of movies and home !!
Gosh, that would be nice !!
Exams tend to sap everything out of you. Everything. Nothing remains.
But now, actually now's not a ood time but I had to return to my blog and kinda "mark" my space. I am actually just too confused right now.
I'll get back to u ppl soon.
Adios.

More on Evolution - The "Human" factor.

2005-04-25T01:13:00.000-07:00

The last post did have decent replies and I am compelled to write more on that.
I will talk a little about Genetic Algorithms (GA) for those who do not know abt it.
GA is an approximation tool that tries to generate solutions to a given set of equations by imitating nature. That is, by using things like crossover, mutations etc. (This is a very simplified version of what GA is supposed to do).

Now, the thing with GA's is that it is "theoretically" so great that it should be able to give u solutions that need no further refinements and should give u an efficiency of almost 99% in any field. But it isn't so. This is becoz finally its we, humans that are designing the algo and hence it isn't nature that is doing this work. U c there is a lot of junk going on here.
Since humans aren't nature themselves, we can't create the GA's with the precision that theory states. Therefore, the inefficiency.
Also, GA's give more than one solution, hence u have a set of solutions.
This is where I am gonna begin my post.
I somehow believe that we (humans) are all like a particular solution of a GA that God is running on his divine PC (or maybe a laptop or the new fundoo mobile PC's and what not, well, assuming God has got such things up there :) ) with the world and nature as the constraints of the system in which we are solutions.
And therefore, I believe there have to b more solutions in the universe apart from us. That is, there have to be other lifeforms, (may or may not be more advanced than us) that have also stood the challenge of time (assuming that we humans have) and are still evolving.
Since we consider nature as the acme of everything, I believe the evolution will end when finally all lifeforms, by their independent evolution merge to one final single form. That is when all possible solutions converge to one single solution. That, I believe will be the end of the program that God is running on his PC and that will also be the end of the universe.
Phew, that was heavy. But I strongly believe this could be possible.
Only thing is we will never know what is happening with us coz we are the system and by a very famous "incompleteness theorem" by the famous Godel (mathematician who shook mathematics with his theorems) we can kinda say that being within the system, we can never achieve 100% efficeincy. There, that's the end of all human efforts. We can never make it to a 100%.
Its an amazing theorem, u might want to search for it on Google. Don't go thru its mathematics. Go thru its consequences and its meaning.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and for ppl out there who are wondering as to how i find so much time to blog considering that my end sems are on, well, one can always and should always find time to break out from studies. This is how I break out :)

Au revoir.

Its not just the Hexagon.

2005-04-24T12:55:00.000-07:00

Recently I happened to notice the "hexagonal" structure of a particular bee's hive here in the hostel and I couldn't help but think as to what was so special about the hexagon.
Googling is what I did and this is a nice site:
http://www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/mag/artsep98/hexagon.html

What it essentially says is that it can be mathematically shown (with a lot of complexity) that the hexagonal shape is the best possible solution for a scenario such a hive.
Now, I wonder as to whether a bee could actually come up with this idea or is it just evolution. I see most of you choosing the "evolution" option and that's what I think too.
Here's a second opinion:
These tiny animals use the hexagon form innately, just because they are “taught” and inspired so by their Lord.
Sure there's a lot of philosophical touch in this and I did get it from a philosophical kinda site but well, did seem like a good option too.
And supposedly fossils dating back to millions of years ago also suggest that hexagonal structures were popular among bees even back then. This kinda does kick the evolutionary theory around a bit.
Also think about this:
We blame or rather give credit to the evolutionay theory for most of the things like the Giraffee's long neck (I hope I got the spelling rite) and other such things. But come to think of it, a particular solution like "hexagon" is a definite one. In the sens that it can't improve.
Therefore, there is no further evolution possible on this design.
Doesn't this thing scare u. I mean it is as though to say that all possible evolutions are done and well, we humans could as well count our last days (Kalyug or Satan kinda thingie).

I just tot I shud share this vth u all (if ne1's there) and see what ppl think abt this.
Think for enough time on such topics and u might end up questioning the very existence of the human race and it does get pretty scary at that point.
This discussion cud go on for a long time; I'll take it up later again.
Au revoir.

The lost city of .... Hyderabad ??

2005-04-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

For those who do not know, I am from Hyderabad (born and brought up there, though not a localite).

Now, I am referring to the "feel" of Hyderabad when I say "lost city".
I know many of u out there have really deep sentiments for the city (like I did once and maybe still do) so I am gonna try and make this post as harmless as possible.

The thing is, sure Hyd has gone modern and fundoo vth all the hot malls and the eateries and the posh software buildings and theatres and stuff, but the youth hasn't actually seen the repercussions of this growth. There has been a "culture-contamination" which atleast to me, was quite obvious and sure wasn't a welcome change.

Go on a weekday afternoon to Prasads (the new multiplex at Hyd) and u'll see hordes of school kids and college guys and gals dressed in the most crazy clothes and still vth bags on their shoulders (girls somehow didn't have bags with them. mostly guys had their bags on. Looks like girls don't mind bunking coll and tellin that at home ;) ).
I can't help but wonder as to whether the parents of these next-gen ppl even know bout their bunking activites. Sure, its a stupid question coz obviously they do not.
Come to think of it, it really is a contamination of the purity of the place.

Spend some time there and u'll see almost all shades of glasses, all heights of heel, all possible hair-to-gel ratios (I know, that's a new term ;) ) and maybe all possible colours on the head (ya,on the hair) and of course, all possible bike-remodellings available.
Not that its sooooo bad but yes, it isn't all that cool either. Smoking around vth friends just coz ppl all around u feel its cool, bunking coll and school and wastin ur resources. I don't think that's a very pretty thing to do.

The thing is, u can't just accept anything in the name of modernisation. U need to think too.
Its the youth that needs to understand wats right and wats wrong and amazingly, the youth never do get anything right at the first go (yeah,that's my sarcasm speaking,infact,shouting).

Look at the dressing sense of these ppl and u'll know wat I am talkin bout. One thing is for sure, modernisation has had its share of ups too vth all the increasing employment and the fundoo technology making its way into India.
But culture preservation is an important thing too. Do things that u are casual and safe with. There's no use trying to be cool by just copying things and doing stuff that makes ppl turn around and look at u.
Infact, I never did understand the fascination with show-off. It still puzzles me. I mean, wats the use of just portraying an image that isn't really urs.

Hyd still rocks, no doubt. But I do feel uncomfartable or rather un-Hyderabadish when I visit home. The place has changed, very quickly. Ppl waste a lot of cash on stupid stuff and do really stupid things too.
One very stupid thing they do is bike-zooming. Take their bike on the road with no helmet and absolutely no legal papers whatsoever and zoom off at top speed on the busiest of roads with the funkiest shades and so much hair-gel that under the sun, their hair does a better job than a headlight would do :))
And the worst thing is they eventually crash up somewhere. But I am not very worried about that. Its when they crash into someone that I am more worried about. And the bike companies just keep on increasing their top-speed and acceleration limits. Its a vicious circle kinda thing.

Well, enuf of sarcasm for today I guess.
Adios.

The "Input" approach

2005-04-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

This is an approach that generally a very mature person or a very cautious person would tell you to follow. Mostly, parents and caring friends would advice you for such an approach. I will try and put it mathematically (just to add humour and basically coz I have been studying a lot of Logic lately and doesn't make too much sense)
Say i stands for the scenario where an input I is required. Example: I could be hard work and i could be a particular exam, say physics mid-term exam. What this approach says is this:

If INPUT = I , then
OUTPUT =

1. good result in i or
2. bad/average result in i but good result in some other j such that
INPUT for j is not adequate to produce a good result.

Confused. You should be,coz even I can't make much sense out of it :)) Here's the literal version: When you are faced with a task (i in this case), then just put in your best effort (I in this case) and don't bother about the result. Just bother about ur input. Leave the output/result to itself. If it has to happen, it will else you will be rewarded in some other way. This is generally told to a person when he is feeling down but then, this is quite a good approach and helps you out a lot. My dad says this to me very often, whether or not I'm down. I do follow it to some extent.
But it does require you to have some "faith" in any form or the other (No, I'm not trying to be philosophical).
---------------------------------------------------------------
You know, posting comments isn't a bad thing nor does it take a lot of time.
So, cmon, put in some INPUT, who knows, maybe you will get rewarded in some way or the other ;)

The "pessimistic" approach

2005-04-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Pessimism, strangely enough, has been very widely used as a "tool" to attack situations.
What I mean is the following:
(true incidents) A close friend of mine had a habit of cribbing/crying about how bad his exam had gone (irrespective of whether it really had gone that bad or not) and would make us all feel that we had done much better than him. And then when the marks would come he would score pretty decently and it would give him more joy than anyone else who had got the same marks.
This is coz his expectations were so low that the decent score itself bcame quite a boost to him considering how low his hopes were.
I know a few of u might find this silly but I bet a few of u have met such ppl once or twice in ur life.
The important thing is that sometimes these ppl end up doing much better than they could. This is coz they maintain a low profile of themselves and blame themselves for not doing well in the exams (again,irrespective of whether they really have spoilt their exam or not) and put in further efforts to improve.
That's y I call this as a "tool" of attack.
Well, I was like this once, so I know how it feels.
It really did work but then I thought it wasn't right coz u weren't living in the right manner nor were u respecting ur capabilities. U tend to get confined in some ways. That's y I dropped this approach very soon.
But I still c ppl continuing to use this approach almost thruout their lives !!
Now, the point is, could it be true that pessimism can actually work for u !!
There are other ways to look at this issue.
Remember the time when u were hoping with all ur heart for a day off or hoping that the professor would leave u early and it would almost never happen.
This is the converse of the topic in question.
What happens here is that u wish for something with all ur heart and it doesn't happen.
But if u try the same thing again but this time by "accepting that there is no way ur wish can be fulfilled" , well it just might happen !!
This is the crux of the topic, which in some sense that I wanted to convey.
-----------------------------------------
Well, endsems round the corner, so I better atleast pretend not to be on my PC for a long time :)
Adios.

Here's the poem - if anyone cares.

2005-04-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

THE NIMBUS OF LIFE
-by Anshul Gandhi

- Life is too precious a gift given to us. Its full worth cannot be realized in one lifetime
alone. Let’s all atleast appreciate the ensemble of life as we sway through it.

I stir in the merry cradle of life
to a dreamy paradise that enraptures me.
I look at the illimitable paths that lie,
each like a drop of the elixirial sea.

Each so alike, its hard to choose
I have done it so often, but still feels new.
A few random thoughts and I am on my way
Hoping that I will make it through.

The warmth of the sunshine with me
And the cool fresh breeze walking along.
It feels like this was the destined path,
And will take me to where I belong.

Endless joys along the way,
New relations at every turn.
So much beauty all around,
More than I can put in my urn.

A few pits and falls in my way,
Question me on the choice that I made.
But every path would have its roughs,
And either way, I would have to wade.

My memories and my urn are still with me,
And merrier times are waiting ahead.
Why should I list my woes and sorrows,
When I can count my blessings instead.

I have been gifted the boon of life,
the halo that will always be with me.
I have been gifted the nimbus of life,
Something that connects us all with Thee.

I continue to walk on the path I chose,
Ignorant of what will come my way.
Enjoy every second of this walk,
Who knows what comes after today.

My urn will always starve for more,
And there will always be paths that I will pave.
The aisle, the runway, the red carpet and then the Bridge,
That will finally take me to my grave.

But then again He will come,
And give me a new urn to fill,
To take all those I couldn’t collect
And those dreams that had to spill.

He will lift me in His tender arms
And put me in a new cradle of life.
New paths, new pits and new turns,
But still will remain The Nimbus Of Life.

- With every pain, comes a joy. Let’s all be thankful for what we have.
It’s the least we can do.

P.S. forgot to mention in the last post that "elixirial" isn't a dictionary word :D .
elixir is, but then i made up elixirial myself. Maybe it will find a place in the dictionary if ppl visit my blog too often :))
P.P.S. in the slightest case that u DID like my poem,i wud happy to put em all.
so just inform me (actually i'll put them even if u don't say nething. I know how shy u ppl are :)) ).

Why "elixirial" ??

2005-04-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

Actually, I tried fancier words but couldn't get them accepted. Seems many others too found those words fancy :)
Elixir, as you must be knowing, is supposedly a liquid that maintains life indefinitely (ya, u can cross-check vth dictionary.com if u like) . It seemed good enough a word for me.
But elixirial, that's because I used that word in a poem of mine (will post it sometime) and people liked the usage of the word as it conveyed a lot.
So, that's the history behind the word "elixirial" that I chose for my blog address.

To begin with

2005-04-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hello all, this is Anshul here.
I will just get started a bit on who I really am (yeah,its a mystery still :) ).
I am Anshul Gandhi, 19 year old guy living in India and as of now,I am pursuing my Bachelor's degree in Computer Sciences (its not all programming u know) from a real good Institute (I will talk about it later) and well,in the process I have discovered what hostel-life really is.
I will blog later about this too.Its just that I have to get going in a few minutes but I wanted to make my first entry here.
Apart from that,I love writing,watching movies(Hindi and English),wasting time on my PC and chatting away with friends.
Will write soon.