May 28, 2005

To The 10 And Back (part 4) The Dark Side

I know its strange to think about anything bad connected with a 10, but believe me, its sometimes a number that has haunted me for days. In this post I am going to give a general picture of a few things that almost all tenners face.
U know, wen I accidentally wrote abt that relative thing in my previous posts, I didn't realize how deep it was until I had a chat with a close friend of mine abt it. U c, being a 10 sure feels good, but it has its own pros and cons, just like any other score does.

This 10 has an effect on you, like the Ring in the LOTR. You covet it so much that u don't see other things around u, things that actually do matter. Things as simple as relations, emotions, life itself. The thing absorbs you. I sure feel good being a tenner but every time I get my marks in the midsems its like " Will I be defending my 10 with such marks ?", or "Is this good enough ?". It does not stop. Even though you have performed much better than most ppl, all u can do is sigh and hope that its good enuf to give u an A, whereas other ppl around u who have scored an A are rejoicing. It even takes away the pleasure of scoring an A grade. Its that bad. When I did end up doing bad in my 1st midsems for reasons I can't put here, I felt a guilt in me. Like I wasn't capable of carrying the 10 anymore; and it was killing me. I spent weeks thinking at nights on how to handle myself and whether I should think of being captivated by this 10 and work all out to regain it or just stay cool and do as much as I can and not be intimidated by the 10. Theoretically, I shud have chosen the latter, I know that's the right thing to do. U shudn't get intimidated, in no circumstances. But I chose the former. And I know most of u will say that I did do the right thing coz I ended up scoring a 10.
But I know I chose wrong. I will elaborate more in the next post.

U c, ppl start creating an image abt u. U don't have a choice nemore. Ppl expect something from u, almost for granted. And it ain't good, not at all. Atleast for someone like me who values his independence and his moods above all else. I don't want to care abt what others expect from me, yet I am forced to. I think its getting kinda hazy.

Another problem is that u r forced to work hard even on courses that are soooo damn boring and don't even deserve to be worked upon. But u still have to slog on them, while the rest of the ppl can easily anjoy and amuse themselves with more intresting subjects. This was one thing that personally made me feel like this 10 business was a major let-down. It was forcing me to do things that I knew I shudn't. I mean, there were subjects I wanted to go deeper into but I had to sacrifice the time to cope up on other boring subjects just coz I wasn't assured of an A in it (though I was pretty sure of a B in them). I mean this is the worst part of it. The entire "good education" thing was at stake due to this 10. I feel that atleast some part of my problems are reaching u.

And another thing that this 10 throws at you (but which I triumphantly stepped over) is the choice of electives. There are always electives that are known to be "grade-lifters" and those electives which are "challenging but tough". Any day before entering IIT I wud have chosen the challenging thing without a second thought. But now, being a tenner and that image looming and hovering above me, I had an extra weight on me. What shud I do. Go for the grade-savers or for the challenge. Now, I will let u in on one major fact. Most ppl I know, tho not tenners, don't even give it a second tot. I asked them y they chose so_and_so elective and the simple answer I got was "The prof is cool. Gives a lot of A's". And when I ask them wat the course is about,its like "I dunno. Ppl say its easy". What the hell man !!
Where are u ppl. IIT or in school. And this is so prevelant that I get these looks from ppl "Hey, y r u even asking this. Don't u know which course to take ? ". I mean the whole point of introduction of electives has broken down.
So, if u want to choose an elective, its like a two_minute_recipe
step 1: look at all the courses
step 2:strike-off the courses that have a tuff course
step 3:strike-off the courses that have a prof who ain't very leniant in grading
step 4:look for courses ver u can easily impress the prof and Voila !! , u r done.
U have a list of courses and all u have to do is pick one and pretend that u like it and have an intrest in it. Simple eh ??

Never appealed to me tho, this whole idea of electives to save grades.
So, what did I do ? I'll answer that in the next post, which is gonna encapsulate how I handled things. This post was meant to be how a tenner feels, not how I feel.


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